10 Things I Hate About Being Aromantic (#1-5)

Today, February 22, is the final day of Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week 2025. This week is an annual international celebration intended to promote awareness and acceptance of aromanticism and all the identities that fall under the arospec umbrella. It was first celebrated November 10-17 2014 under the name Aromantic Awareness Week.

The following year, the name was changed to Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week to be more inclusive of all arospec identities, and the celebration was moved to February, specifically the first full week after Valentine’s Day - a day so steeped in romantic connotations that it leaves anyone without a romantic partner without a way to celebrate. Aromantic Spectrum Awareness was established in response to the harmful amatonormative stereotypes associated with Valentine’s Day, to give the arospec community space to celebrate their authentic selves in a world that too often makes no space for us.

In honor of Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week 2025, I’d like to share my experiences as an aromantic, or aro, person. Obviously, the title is a joke, inspired by one of the few rom-coms that doesn’t bore me. I don’t hate being aromantic or even romance in and of itself. I hate the expectations that come with romantic relationships, the way romance is so pervasive in society, and the rampant misconceptions about aromanticism. Disclaimer: I am only one aro person, specifically a sex-averse, romance-indifferent aroace person, if we’re talking microlabels. I can’t speak for the whole arospec community, nor do I claim to. All I can do is share my own experiences in hopes of educating and empowering others.

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1. Nobody knows what aromantic means

When I tell people I’m aromantic, people very rarely know what that means. Occasionally, I get someone who will accept it at face value or ask questions seeking knowledge. More often than not, people look at me like I’ve just landed in a spaceship. When the blank stares stop, the skepticism and misconceptions begin. People usually believe aromanticism is not real, a lifestyle choice, a mental illness, or synonymous with asexuality. All of this is incorrect.

Aromanticism is a romantic orientation characterized by a lack of romantic attraction. Is it part of the LGBTQIA+ community and one of the identities represented by the letter “A”, the other two being asexual and agender. It is not a choice, nor something that can be “cured” through medication or behavioral therapy. While often conflated with asexuality, the two are different types of attractions. One can feel sexual attraction without feeling romantic attraction and vice versa. Likewise, people like myself who feel neither type of attraction (called aromatic-asexual, or aroace) can experience other types of attraction: aesthetic (attraction based on physical appearance), emotional (desire for an emotional connection which may or may not involve physical contact), and intellectual (attraction based on one’s intelligence and knowledge).

2. Aromanticism is a spectrum, and that's a double-edged sword

Aromantic is an umbrella term that covers a wide range of microlabels. The one thing they have in common is that they experience little to no romantic attraction. Some (demiromantic) only feel romantic attraction after forming a deep emotional connection; on the flip side, others (frayromantic) feel it only when there is no emotional bond. Some (lithromantic) feel romantic attraction but don’t want those feelings reciprocated; others (recipromantic) only feel romantic attraction when those feelings are returned. Some (cupioromantic) don’t experience romantic attraction but want a relationship. Others (ageoromantic) enjoy romance in theory but have no desire for a relationship in practice, and others still (apothiromantic) are disgusted by romance and want no part of it.

This is not an exhaustive list of arospec identities by any stretch, just the ones that are easily definable for the purpose of this article. With such a broad spectrum of labels, there’s no one-size-fits-all criteria for being aromantic; that’s both a blessing and a curse.

In aromantic spaces, you’ll often hear the phrase, “Aromantic is a spectrum. Aros can have relationships.” While the sentiment is true, that phrase is poorly worded and prone to misuse. Case in point, I’ve heard those exact words used as an attempt to pressure me into a relationship I don’t want countless times. Yes, some aros want relationships. Others, myself included, don’t, and that deserves to be respected as much as those who do. We need to be careful not to invalidate one section of the aromantic spectrum while trying to uplift another, so perhaps a better way of wording this point would be, “Some aromantic people choose to have relationships.”

3. It's not about meeting the “right person”

“You just haven’t found the right person yet…” “There’s someone out there for everyone…” “Don’t give up on love…” If I had a nickel for every time I heard one of these cliches, I would be financially set for life! While well-meaning people may think they’re being encouraging, these statements are false, invalidating, and patronizing. By saying this, you’re sending a message that you don’t accept the aromantic person as they are and want to “fix” something about their personality that is not and should not be seen as broken. If you truly respect your arospec friends, don’t do it!

Hearing these statements from well-meaning friends is annoying, but hearing them in response to turning down a date is downright infuriating! Not only does that tell me that you think I need to be fixed, it says you think you’re the one to do it. Seriously, how arrogant can you be?! Life is not like the fairytales. It’s not like I’m going to magically melt into a puddle of hearts and flowers when that extra-special someone walks into the room.

Even if that was the way aromanticism worked, saying that proves that you’re not the “right person” for me. The right person is one who respects my boundaries and doesn’t pressure me into a type of relationship that makes me feel uncomfortable.

4. Stop pressuring me to date!

This goes hand in hand with the “you haven’t met the right person” comments, with the former often being a precursor to this. The pressure to date comes in many forms. Sometimes it’s passive, like people assuming I’m in a relationship or looking for one when they meet me or making comments like, “When are you going to settle down and start a family?”; “I know a great guy I can set you up with!” etc.

Other times it’s more active, like paying people to date me, creating fake profiles on dating apps, setting me up on blind dates, or throwing me together with strange men at group gatherings to “see if something develops”. All of the aforementioned things have happened to me at some point. It’s bad enough to be so obsessed with someone else’s relationship status that you make it your business, but doing any of these things without consent is creepy as all get out. For the love of all that is holy, please don’t do this!!!

If I was interested in relationship advice, I’d ask. Otherwise, leave me to figure it out myself.

5. Representation in mainstream media is virtually nonexistent

Positive representation in the media is important because it shapes how we see ourselves and others. Seeing one’s own background reflected promotes self-esteem and a sense of belonging, particularly for marginalized groups. For aromantic people, our representation is severely limited. In my research for this piece, I found 122 examples of aromantic characters in media, with only 23 explicitly confirmed as such. 23 characters out of the entire history of media, that’s laughable!

The few aromantic characters that exist in media tend to be young people, often teenagers. Japan leads the world in terms of aromantic representation, with 8 of the 23 confirmed aromantic characters originating in Japanese media (Seiji Maki - Bloom Into You; Kasumi 'Sobakasu' Sobata - I Am What I Am; Sakuko Kodama & Satoru Takahashi - Koisenu Futari; Amiru - Last Gender: When We Are Nameless; Chika - Is Love the Answer?; Kashikawa - Sex Ed 120%; Yuriko - I Want to Be a Wall), most of whom fit into the young aromantic character archetype. Well-known examples of young aromantic characters in western media are Clariel (Clariel by Garth Nyx), Gwenpool (Marvel Comics), and many characters from the works of Alice Oseman (Georgia Warr, Isaac Henderson, Ellis, and Jess)

Having discovered my aromanticism at a later age, there’s only so much I can relate to in these young characters. Although I’m not the target demographic, I’m happy they exist because they give a new generation of aros the validation I didn’t have at that age. The same can’t be said for the other trend in aromantic representation, the characters whose aromanticism is treated like an afterthought. These are the characters who are confirmed as aromantic outside of the main source material (Lillith Clawthorne - The Owl House), who were originally written as alloromantic then later retconned/rebooted as aromantic (Deuce Gorgon - Monster High 2022 animated series), or confirmed as aromantic at some point only to have that confirmation backtracked later on (Alastor - Hazbin Hotel).

This type of representation feels like the creators are trying to have their cake and eat it too. By confirming the characters as aromantic, they get points for diversity and inclusion, yet by doing so outside of the media itself, they still pander to an amatonormative fanbase. The arospec community deserves better! Give us fresh aromantic characters of all ages, ethnicities, and microlabels, not rewrites - and for goodness’s sake, make it explicit in the media itself!

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Thank you for reading! This article took a lot more time and words than I thought. I’ve decided to split this into two parts to make it easier to digest and to make sure at least one part is published while it’s still Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week. I hope you found this list enlightening so far. Part 2 will go up in the coming days. In the meantime, check out the sources below for more information about the types of attraction, aromanticism, and arospec characters in media: