Your Husband

It has always been clear to me

why we don't really talk anymore.

You always chose your man over me.

I'd say "he's beating me."

You asked what I did, as if the actions of a child somehow justified it.

He'd get drunk and suddenly like me, you'd never question him.

To follow up with why he'd buy a toy or Mc Donald's the day after.

It never once occurred to you, he shouldn't comment on my body.

I know you were just happy he stopped calling you fat.

What sealed it for me.

I had a break down because he raped me

Simply because I was 18 and you weren't home.

I cried and screamed "I'll never forget what you did."

He came to "Quiet me down."

You never asked him why.

You only were mad I moved out three weeks after.

You were mad at me.

20 years later I bring it up.

You tell me, "that didn't happen"

In the same call you ask why I never told you my ex boyfriend beat me.

You probably would've told me I'm "too much"

The worst part is, I'd have believed you.

I would've stayed, and shrank smaller.

I did want to matter, if only to me.