You Remain

Out of reach again—

dodging, twisting, racing, shrinking away.

I had it once—true love—

or so I thought—

ripping, shredding, tearing—

it left me completely.

Alone in the dark.

Once I believed in Faith, Hope, Charity, Love—

virtues praised in sacred text.

But no knight in shining armor—

a mercenary instead—

twin rapiers strapped across his back.

My virtues stripped,

laid bare,

sprawling, lifeless,

left for dead.

Stretched across the un-sodden earth—

naked, ashamed, alone—

and he with unsheathed, bloody rapiers,

thrusting, carving,

taking what he claimed as his own.

Festering—fibrous cancer—

all that remains.

Broken, battered, barren, betrayed.

Faith—belief or trust in the unseen—

trusting love exists.

But without my shade—

rapier’s sacrifice senseless—

my compass lost.

True love out of reach,

rapier’s cost.

Broken, soul to soul, I heard your voice—

a plea,

an echo of my own.

Kindness—seed planted,

sprouted—

an echo back to me.

What was it you said?

Or was it how you said it?

Feelings long buried sprung up,

reaching, grasping,

rootless—

shriveling away.

Oh troubled heart—

not free to love another,

tethered to lovelessness,

longing to break free.

My soul—trapped in its cage of bones.

Fingers clasped, ribs aching, cracking.

Breath shaking, lungs restricted.

You looked at me—

my heart leapt from sorrow into hope—

then dragged back down—

pit so dark, so isolated.

You draw near.

The ebb and flow of your breath—

close.

I imagine your embrace,

my head against your chest.

You speak—

your lips—

are they soft?

Your tenderness,

your caress—

my broken heart beating.

I sit staring at the rapiers on the wall—

sheathed now,

silent.

Afraid to pass them,

cross the threshold

to freedom and release

out there—

somewhere.

You, the beacon in darkness,

calling me,

beckoning—

yet I remain shackled.

You—out of reach.

Imagined touch,

caress,

embrace—

iron chains in your place.

And you—unaware—

holding my shade.

So—

with dagger drawn from between my breasts,

one cut—

pain removed, rising on ethereal wings.

Yet you remain.

Another cut—

passion flames, then dies,

ash scattered in the night.

Yet you remain.

Again—

your lips, your hands—out of reach—

cherry blossoms flung away.

Yet you remain.

Steel cold against my flesh—

a sigh, a whispered please—

life relinquished.

Still you remain.

I marvel at the gaping wounds,

crimson beads slowly rising,

tears flowing, welling up—

love’s well-spring overflowing.

Still—you remain.

You, my soulmate—never knowing,

cradling my shade.

So I retrace each cut—

a little deeper,

a little longer—

hoping to cut it all away.

Pressed against skin—

silver blade dragging,

leaving white shadows,

scarlet lines revealed.

All that remains.

Through blinding tears, I see.

You remain:

forbidden, unrequited, my love.

My shade.