You Have No Idea How I Felt.

You have no idea how I felt when you left me on that floor,

hurting because you pushed me.

Nor do you have any idea how my children felt whilst you

were abusing me.

And it wasn't just once.

The people have no idea what went on behind closed doors.

On the outside; from their perception they saw a kind hearted man

who loved me, and protected his children;

Because you were a different person outside,

You showed everyone your affection when they stood face to face

with you, but you never once showed them the cuts and bruises you left

on my skin.

It wasn't just skin.

The bruises you caused inside with your vile name calling, bullying and belittling hurt more than those bruises on my skin that I so desperately tried to hide.

Those people never saw the tears I cried; nor did they see the fear I felt when you started screaming and shoving me behind closed doors.

They weren't the ones who wiped the blood of my face, or soothed the bruises while I tried to comfort my heartbroken one year old child.

Nobody heard my screams; not even the authorities because you convinced them I was crazy enough not to be believed.

I lost my children and my world because of you; yet you expect me to forgive you like it never happened.

But it did happen, and this is my truth;

My story to tell in all its brutal honesty; brutal to you because you don't understand pain.

You have no idea what it feels like for anyone to have to hide the pain, tears and bruises behind closed doors.

You have no idea what it feels like to cry because you walk alone while the person who hurts you gets all the support in the world because of the lies they tell about you.

You made me feel terrified, scared, crazy, and alone once,

And I'll never let you do it again either in public or behind closed doors.

You don't understand pain.