Written Tears

I waited for you,
Like the sky waits for stars at dusk,
Like the shore waits before the tide’s return,
Like a promise lingers, forgotten in the cold,
But you never came.

You said you were coming,
So i sat in the dark silence,
Listening to the clock tick,
Each minute heavier than last,
Until the time itself felt like a cruel joke,
Laughing at my foolish hope.

Was there ever a plan?
Or was I dreaming alone?
Filling the hollow spaces of your indifference,
With the warmth of my own devotion,
Sewing meaning into the void,
Pretending this love was real.

I hate this feeling,
I hate the yearning that knots itself inside me,
Hate knowing deep down, i would wait again,
Even knowing you won’t show up,
I hate the emptiness you leave behind,
The way my heart still holds space for you,
Even when you give me nothing.

But what i hate most,
Is that despite it all,
I still can't hate you,
One look at your face and my anger unravels,
One sound of your voice, and I forget,
Why i was displeased,
How did I let you hold so much power?
And why God, why can’t I take it back?

Why do we do this?
Why do our bodies revolt against us?
Why does our heart betray us?
Why do we make excuses for the ones who hurt us?
Why can’t we refuse ill-treatment,
The way we refuse things we don't want,
Why does love make us so weak?

You left me waiting,
And still, i search for reasons to forgive,
Still, i question myself instead of questioning you,
Maybe something came up,
Maybe i expected too much,
Maybe i should shrink myself down,
Make my needs smaller,
Make my heart quieter.

But why?
Why should basic kindness feel like a privilege,
When it should be the bare minimum?
Why do I gather crumbs and call it a feast?
Why do I get excited over scraps?
Over a message, a promise, a maybe,
When i should be demanding certainty?

We settle,
We fold ourselves into spaces they leave behind,
Erasing our edges to make love easier for them to hold.
Until we no longer recognize ourselves.
Until we are standing in the ruins,
Of a love we built alone,
Wondering where we went wrong.

I waited for you,
And in that waiting i lost myself piece by piece,
But maybe this is the moment i stop,
Maybe this is the moment i remember
That love is not meant to leave me wailing,
Doubting, aching, disappearing.

Maybe the real question,
Is not why you didn’t show up,
But why i sat there waiting,
Why i trusted you would.