Will I Always Have To Be Me?

An hour has passed.

Where to? Don’t ask.

I couldn’t even tell you.

I’d have to lie.

Because I was lost, deep inside of my mind.

I drive myself crazy. I drive myself nuts.

I don’t like the image when I look in the mirror.

But I don’t do anything about it.

And that’s the problem here.

But how can I worry about me?

When I have so many other things that I struggle to complete, you see?

Not to mention, I’m a mother of three.

Distractions are everywhere, but my head is number one.

I’ve been trapped inside, since I was young.

Now that I’m older, I keep kicking my ass.

Because I can’t complete a lot of simple tasks.

Frustration, anxiety, shame, and guilt.

I’m 31 years old and can’t remember that we need milk?

Or that the tooth fairy is coming, she’s coming tonight.

But in the morning, your sons sad, and you have to lie.

Tell him that damn tooth fairy should lose her license to fly.

Then I set an alarm, for the next night.

To make sure the tooth fairy doesn’t miss her flight.

I can see it happening once by mistake.

But three and four times, repeatedly, doesn’t make my son feel to great.

He is already a mess because things have changed so much between us.

We added to our family and I don’t have as much freedom.

I wish I could balance out my life.

I wish I didn’t always have to feel “on flight”.

Even with being on time, I am always late.

Hell, I was even late to my own wedding date.

I wish I could change my delayed ways.

I wish I could organize my life in one day.

Until then, I’ll just sit here and try to sort my shit out.

Walking through my life with so much self doubt.

Doubts about my future and if I’ll succeed.

Or will I always have to be me?