Why I’m not tatted

I wanna get inked because I wanna look cool

And I think tattoos totally fucking rule

I wanna partial sleeve with some skulls and shit

Hell, I just want whatever art I can fit!

As a horror nerd I wanna ink the monsters I’ve written

And I should also list the names of my kids, that’s a given

I want my family tree scraped into my chest

And a sick, grave-digging wolf, that’s what I’d like best

And I need an eastern hemlock my number one favorite tree

And maybe a cheesy quote on absurdist philosophy

I even want a tau with the Franciscan coat of arms

To remind me to do good works and never do harm

But I haven’t inked up yet— I’ve got my reasons people

And no it’s not because I’m afraid of a needle

I’m pretty damn sure I wouldn’t mind the pain

I tend to like a little hurt, how it lights up the brain

But my first problem is the expense

You see, I AM broke— present tense!

And the second problem’s perhaps even worse:

My future tats would end up buried in fur

That’s right, I want a tattoo but I’m way too hairy

And I’m not on speaking terms with the Hair Removal Fairy

Because ink won’t show I was thinking maybe a brand

But my tattooist friends said that’s not a good plan

So tats for me are for now a no go….

Still… can’t a guy dream though?