who then

who would i be if i turned it off

what does it feel like to be still

have you ever lived every second with nonsense in your mind?

have you ever gone to a rockshow and left with an annoying trill?

red and blue and... white?

no

that's too american, we shouldn't accidentally say something we don't mean

i'm too mean. he's too clean

i can't keep up. I hate the mess

but that's my mess, and i know how to live around it

you're not listening

it's usually less confusing if i just don't talk

let's chalk this up to sensory overload, it's easier than explaining.

i hate chalk.

i never had an aversion to fingernails on a blackboard

becuase chalk on a blackboard is already too shrill

wasn't i talking about shrill earlier?

oh wait i said trill

trill ringing in my ears after i left the club

did you ever play club penguin?

i never played very seriously

i take everything too seriously

do they like me? seriously?

i've never had trouble disbelieving it.

what could they possibly see in me?

aside from my creativity, good looks, athleticism, performing talents, problem-solving knack, sense of humor, patience...

see.

i did it again.

do i think too highly of myself?

is it wrong if i'm correct in all those self-validating beliefs?

i forgot to put sense of style on the list, and my eye for interior decorating, but actually it probably doesn't matter if the list is comprehensive or not.

i'm still not sure if i approve of making a list

people tell you things about you,

and sometimes they do it with words.

it's hard not to have opinions of yourself

and when you're pretty sure your own self-depricating opinions are wrong

it's a little easier to correct them by just accepting the nice things people tell you.

that's a little easier if they use words when they do it.

did i mispell deprecating?

i don't know if it matters, this is supposed to be my inner monologue

which means it shouldn't be spelled and written at all.

unless i misunderstood the prompt.

spellcheck would tell me, but that might make this whole poem too clean.

mean.

spleen.

i should turn it off.