Who Am I?

Who am I?

That’s a question I like to avoid

That’s a question I don’t know the answer to

Who am I?

I know I’ve been hiding for a long time

Hiding behind a façade that I’ve perfected

I know I don’t want to hide anymore

I want to be seen

I’m not often seen

In a family where perfection is expected it’s hard to be seen

What would happen if I were to show you who I am?

Would you accept me?

Reject me?

Would you be disappointed in what you see?

For I am not perfect

I am actually broken

I am hurting

I have lost my way and I’m not sure if it’s ok to tell you that

But I’ve found like I like myself a lot more lost in the brokenness than I do striving for perfection

I think I am beginning to find myself here

I spend a long time refusing to look inside myself

I was afraid of what was in there

I was afraid of who I was

As I look inside, yes it is dark

Yes, it is scary

But it is also beautiful

There are beautiful parts of me I didn’t know existed

It’s funny how when you admit you are broken you start to see yourself for the first time

It’s funny how when you realize you have nothing you start to find what you’ve been looking for the whole time

I am broken

I’ve gotten lost

And I am filled with shame

But I will not hide anymore

It’s time to show you who I really am

A beautiful mess of darkness and light fighting to find my way

Who am I?

I am not perfect

I am a living, breathing, dreaming, thinking, feeling human being

And I am finding in the imperfection there is more to me that I ever thought there could be