Whip-Poor-Will
a villanelle on stars and sitting ducks
My family has a boat upon the lake
I’m sure they mean me no harm nor ill will.
See how the water becomes a moonwake.
My brother brought a spear and killed a drake
I saw it out my bolted scuttle sill.
My family has a boat upon the lake.
My mother keeps begging me my thirst to slake
She frets so when the cups she holds near spill
See how the water becomes a moonwake.
My papa calls me his own sweet cake,
His love tuning the call of a whip-poor-will.
My family has a boat upon the lake.
When I asked the stars if death was to make
I heard naught but chop out from the night’s chill.
See how the water becomes a moonwake.
I’ll not see it come, nor will I awake
The stars prepare a bed for me to fill.
My family has a boat upon the lake.
See how the water becomes a moonwake.
About the Creator
Mackenzie Davis
“When you are describing a shape, or sound, or tint, don’t state the matter plainly, but put it in a hint. And learn to look at all things with a sort of mental squint.” Lewis Carroll
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Copyright Mackenzie Davis.
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Comments (18)
So elegant!
Congratulations on your win, Mackenzie❣ "Moonwake" will forever be embedded in my mind.
moonwake...god, I love that so much. This is divinely elegant in its eerieness. Congratulations, Mackenzie!
Congrats on your well-deserved win!!
A surreal and lovely Villanelle, i still don't get the point of them, but this brings it a bit closer. Congrats on the win.
This is chilling and so creepy in such an evocative and vivid sense. Truly viscerally alarming and amazing! Congrats!!!
Eerie, aching, mysterious, melancholy, gorgeous - and full of lines that strike deep chords within. "See how the water becomes a moonwake...the stars prepare a bed for me to fill..." Seriously amazing stuff - congratulations on the win for this work of true poetry, Mackenzie!!
Congratulations on your win! I really liked this verse: “My papa calls me his own sweet cake, His love tuning the call of a whip-poor-will. My family has a boat upon the lake.”
Congrats, it's truly magical 👏👏🐉
Congratulations, Mackenzie!
Wooohooooo congratulations on your win! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
The progression here was very unexpected. It feels like you are pushing the boundaries. Congratulations on the win!
Yes. This one made me work a little bit, but investing in the additional reads pays off. When you can read a poem like this and get something different each time you read it, the poet has done something special - and so you have! Congratulations on the win!
Great job!
Back round to say congrats on a well deserved win. I know you weren't sure about it.
I love how innocence and danger braid together here, the serene lake becomes a place of foreboding. Stunning work.
My word of I understand this properly it is extremely sad and dark. Well done lass, a powerful villanelle. Potentially another winner if Vocal have sense
I did not understand everything, but the words that did come through were so profoundly beautiful. You painted a disturbingly vivid image, that blended the intimacy of familiars and the terrible lines that one is ready to cross for the loved ones. Thank you for sharing your talent.