Where do i belong?

The ruins surround me.

Not the kind of ancient beauty

that whispers stories through broken stone,

but the kind that chokes,

that suffocates,

that leaves dust on my skin

and grime in my lungs.

Every fleck of dirt feels sharp,

a needle under my nails,

a weight my OCD can’t carry.

The overstimulation buzzes louder,

a static scream I can’t escape.

_______

I move through the wreckage,

but my steps falter—

this place doesn’t want me.

Its values sit heavy,

like chains wrapped tight around my chest.

I don’t fit here.

I don’t fit anywhere.

And the thought claws at me:

what if I was never meant to?

_______

What if I was a mistake—

a soul misfiled, misplaced,

dropped onto Earth when I was meant for something else?

I wouldn’t have to see these walls,

these relentless walls,

closing in and mocking me.

I wouldn’t have to feel the shame

of wanting to be someone,

somewhere,

something other than this.

_______

The dirt here is alive,

clinging to everything,

even my thoughts.

I scrub, I sweep,

but the feeling remains—

this place is repulsive.

The air tastes wrong, the silence too loud,

the people too far, too foreign,

no one to understand

how it feels to be a stranger inside your own skin.

______

I dream of a home,

one that isn’t drowning in noise,

one that doesn’t ask me

to carve away pieces of myself just to fit.

But it feels so far away,

a flicker at the edge of the horizon,

always fading as I reach for it.

_______

What if there’s no home?

What if belonging is a lie

we tell ourselves to keep breathing?

What if I’m destined

to wander through places

that push me out,

to build a life

on foundations that collapse beneath me?

____

I don’t know.

But I keep asking,

keep walking,

through the rubble and the noise,

through the places that hurt to stay in,

through the ache of wishing

I was never here at all.

_______

Maybe one day,

I’ll find a corner of the world

that doesn’t feel like it’s swallowing me whole.

Maybe one day,

I’ll stand still

and feel the ground say,

Here. This is yours.

Maybe one day.

Until then, I keep searching.

Keep hoping.

Keep surviving.

Till the day it all comes to an end.