When they clap,
I shrink in my skin
unworthy to receive.
Like, it’s a façade they see.
Are they clapping for me?
Or to be polite,
for moral support, right?
This is the dialogue in my head;
Am I who I say I am?
Or is it today’s narrative I coined myself?
Fluent in nodding while doubting,
I sit still beneath their praise.
It’s as if my skin is glass
see-through, bare,
naked.
Though, I did the work,
I must convince them
it came from me.
In a room where I’m small,
I arrive in costume.
They applaud.
I stay.
I pretend.
Hoping one day,
this costume will become my skin.
About the Creator
Natasha Collazo
Selected Writer in Residency, Champagne France ---2026
The Diary of an emo Latina OUT NOW
https://a.co/d/0jYT7RR
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By Natasha CollazoExclusive • about a year ago
Comments (11)
Exceptional poem & take on the poem. I especially like: “ Am I who I say I am? Or is it today’s narrative I coined myself? Fluent in nodding while doubting,”
Ouch. This felt so relatable. My friend, I need to dive into your work more often. This was so eloquently written and actually serves as another reminder for yourself that you are in no way shape or form an imposter and that you deserve to be considered a writer, poet, artist. Well done!
"Hoping one day, this costume will become my skin" felt personal and so very relatable.
So relatable, Natasha. So relatable.
It sucks so bad when things get this way. Hope you're feeling better. Know that we know how brilliant you are. Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️
Is the praise real? Or are you blowing smoke up my ass? In a world full of sycophants, it's hard to know. Be true to yourself. It will come out in your writing, I think. And your writing prowess shows and you don't need people to tell you that. No imposter here.
This is so raw and relatable, Natasha. You capture the doubts so beautifully. And what an amazing sketch to go with the words!
The performance/act continues through the applause, only allowing that shriveling back into myself & my true confines once I'm away & no one else can see. Yep, been there. Still there.
Well-wrought! I especially love the accompanying drawing! It made me think of this quote, one of my faves from Cioran (whose pessimism I do not share but which I find amusing): "I shall no longer read the sages—they have done me too much harm. I should have surrendered to my instincts, let my madness flourish. I have done just the opposite, I have put on the mask of reason, and the mask has ended by replacing my face and usurping all the rest." -E.M. Cioran, The Trouble with Being Born
Oh to escape our minds
I love this, it sounds like someone who is trying to uncover the cloak they are wearing to hide their anxiety or low self-esteem, which is a very common thing people do in front of an audience.