When The Night Falls

Laying awake,

Trying hard not to think about the monsters inside my head;

Afraid to shut my eyes,

In case something goes wrong in the night,

I desperately want to sleep,

But I'm afraid of what the night might bring;

Afraid of dreaming that I might get hurt,

Afraid of hearing the floorboards creak.

People are shouting outside my window,

I know they are not coming for me,

But my mind tells me other things,

And my thoughts run wild,

As I pull soft sheets over my head,

Trying hard not to shake with fear;

People say that anxiety at night is for the kids,

And, that at my age I shouldn't be afraid,

But;

Trauma is what causes my fear,

A past in which I heard the screams,

Felt the blows,

Heard the windows smash,

And never had the chance to hold the night dear;

My fears they are very real,

Though fear remains unknown unless you have experienced it

first-hand,

So, when you tell me that I am a grown-up now,

Try and put yourself in my shoes,

And imagine how you would feel,

If you heard your children scream terrified,

Or you were faced with strangers attacking you,

Breaking into your home,

Hurting you,

Threatening your children;

These are all the things I still hear,

For me;

When the night falls,

Fear calls.