When I’m Alone, I’m Nothing

I settle into the cold, empty room

Silence on the blank walls

The cheers a distant sound

The lights a distant memory

I’m alone

When the colours die

When the mirror fades

When I’m alone,

I’m nothing

Not loved,

Not tolerated

Understood only as an idea

I’m lonely

Alone is where time dies,

Where we die too

Where I’m seen by no one,

So my mind is god

Where I see it all,

Where there’s only you

No one sees my clothes

Is it real?

My painted nails are a one sided mirror

How does it make me feel?

(I haven't decided yet)

When I’m not seen,

Do I make a sound?

When the spotlight fades,

And I must act like everyone else

Do they still care about me now?

When I’m not seen,

I’m nothing

And all my friends either see me as one me,

Or another

Pulled between two worlds,

Forced to choose,

Debated over.

When I’m seen,

I’m nothing

And I remember her

I remember eyes,

I remember being seen

How she was me

I feel so alone

When I’m alone,

I’m nothing

Gender,

My ender

You end her

Oh god,

I surrender

Maybe I’ll just be nothing

Maybe it’s easier

Maybe I’m alone