"When Do I Get To Win?"

Here I sit and sigh

My own emotions, I won't deny

I'm glad, but I cannot lie

Why do I lose, when all I do is try?

...

"What does it mean to lose?"

It means to be "deprived, ceased to retain, or unable to find," the definition, you choose

Yet, though it means of these things and even more

Why is it that I lose, or can't win, which I can implore.

...

"Is losing the absence of winning?"

I think to myself, my thoughts narrow like a hallway that's thinning

Yet, it keeps coming up. "How do I win," is the main one that's spinning

"What factors prohibit me from doing well," are concepts that I'm pinning

...

"Are you okay with not coming in first?"

"Yes," I answer to myself, "there's always someone better than me. Someone with a thirst."

"But your work is not appalling. Surely, you've written worst."

"This is true, but sometimes it feels like my hope's had its bubble burst."

...

Surely, there are other people that write well.

Like magic; they're wizards, witches, and warlocks, lacing their words with an entrancing spell.

Unique, hidden, gemstone writings; bringing in the wealth of an audience, their attention swells.

"Remember, you can be the best writer, but that doesn't mean it'll sell."

...

The lightbulb goes off in my head, and I begin to think clearly even more.

Good writing doesn't just hook an audience and stops them from having to snore.

"How do I make other's pay attention?" Even at times, I'm at a loss. So, I have to implore.

Yet, I'm so frustrated at not winning, that inside I feel that I'm just keeping off a beast that'll roar.

...

"When do I get to win?"

"When do you stop trying to lose?" The double speak crawls underneath my skin.

"How close did I get? How close or wide was the gap that's the margin?"

"You'll start to win, when you're skills exceed from within."

...

I roll my eyes at myself. "Again, with the motivational speaking?"

I'm disgruntled and frustrated. "Where is it that my lowest is peaking?"

Although I display much confidence, these times cause my insecurities to be reeking.

I'm just like every other person. The true pathway to success is what we're all seeking.

...

"There's a pattern. There just has to be."

"Complaining about it won't make you better. So, just let it be."

"We're people. Our brains learn and build based off of patterns. Don't you see?"

"Yeah, but if you stay in the forest, you'll remain in the shadows of other trees."

...

I take in a deep breath. Yes, beneath the surface, this isn't the root cause of all the stress.

I let out a sigh. I furrow my brow. I'm not exactly happy with my results, I do confess.

I'm like any other person. I desire greatness, yet I can't help but feel depressed.

"You get to control how you feel," my emotions I need to meditate and process.

...

"I'm tired of losing. I'm tired of not being anywhere near the top choosing."

"Thinking like that will get you addicted to anger and pain. Your own mental bruising."

"Okay, so now what? You seem to have all the answers. Give one that's less confusing."

"Try harder. Work harder. Be smarter. Accept becoming exceptional. There's more of you that you could be using."

...

"Alright, so how do I get more people to follow, subscribe, and read?"

"You need to improve you spoke of marketing, but that won't be all you need."

"Naturally, even best sellers can give just a bunch of fluff and hype. Like it's all just greed."

"You need make your environment enriching. Planting success is your own seed."

...

"Why did I not get to win this time? Am I not good enough?"

"Surely, the answer's in front of you. You didn't make it up to snuff."

"Well, I guess I should see what makes it possible to win. I'll check out their stuff."

"You're too focused on winning others over. Let this help you to become tough."

...

"You're not entitled to winning, to being picked first or even last."

I sigh and reply, "Yeah, you're right, but not winning feels like I've been passed."

"So what, let them pass you over now and later. Stop being narrow, you gotta be vast."

"Alright, alright.. So, how do I make sure that my next work's not even half-assed."

...

My inner dialogue turned to me, and said, "Grow like a stalk of kelp.

Learn to take criticism, but more importantly You Need To Learn To Ask For Help.

Let the waves bash you and thrash you. Thrive in the salty crust of the sea. You're no longer a mere whelp.

If you never cry out, people will never go towards you, since they can't hear your yelp."

...

"Become like a rock. A pillar weathered, chipped, but unfazed."

"Become like a rock. Stand the testament of time for all days."

"Become like a rock. Continue to stride forth for improvement. Have my standards be raised."

"Become like a rock. Let the waves crash upon you. Let the whole world be amazed."

...

"Alright, so let me ask you again. When will I lose less, and when will I get to win?"

"You get to win when you decide that you deserve to win. That's when you put all of your effort in.

You get to win when you decide that your epic, your story, your narrative does more than begin.

You get to win, when you fall down, and down again, but you stand back up. All the times you lost for that one big score, that's your trade-in."

...

"I can't be afraid of failure. I need to relish in it and decide that it's better to learn than to never earn my own licks and cuts."

"Being afraid of failure is being afraid of succeeding. Sometimes it feels like repeating the same thing until you go nuts.

To take success is to take the bull by the horns and the bear by the claws. To take success means that you have to have and even spill out your guts.

To take success, to take yourself by the hand, you have to be willing to kick your own butt."

...

"So, now, let me ask again. When do I get to win? When I get to lose so many times that it's inevitable that I achieve.

Winning isn't just faith, it's not just hardcore work, not just positive affirmations till the point that my own success is what I believe.

I get to win, when I strive harder through the pits of hell, ascending the throne, reshaping the paradise, breaking through the crust, attaining a new level of prestige.

I get to achieve when I no longer deceive myself of the illusion of being content in my own destiny and pathways that I will Conceive!"

...

"So now let's win. Let's win like never before.

Let's win, and let's make being exceptional the best a part of our being's core.

Let's win. I'll never discover new lands if I'm afraid to lose sight of the shore.

Let's win. 'Cause success is just on the other side of the door."