What Not To Submit To A Legit Publishing Site

Don't do a greatest hits story/article; i.e. something along these lines. Once upon a time a would be infamously scandalous scribe authored unpublished words to this effect:

New Year's Resolution 2023:

to pine away.

in red gulch clay

for Brooke Henchy Shields

assuming that this is all the new year is likely to yield. I'm an unabashed admirer, though I've seen her for five minutes in a jeans commercial for CK and on Circus Of The Stars. I do not imagine I'll ever meet her, see her on film, etcetera. Then again, I understand there was a blockbuster movie entitled Brenda Starr, so you never know.

Novices may ask why the aforementioned could or would be likely to go unpublished. Here is a brief explanatory analysis. If I may quote a fictional editor Phillips Hardtack, this piece is decidedly lacking in smoothness. Notice that the pentameter is also non iambic. Also the content is suggestive of an isolated humorist of zero credentials; more likely than not the author has never graduated from any accredited school. Then again, Erica Jong's editor's credentials were never acknowledged either ( he being fictional? ) .

Non masterpiece #2:

Eyes see you, from far away, hiding in your venue--from me. I see you at night in a vehicle. I imagine a low slung Jaguar; why? You will pick me up.

Pulling at my gray tights, under jeans, I think of you enjoying the sight. In white jeans you are beautiful.

You are at the head of the class and want to speak. I advance to your demanding mouth. Widening like a canyon, it swallows my lips/tongue. This is a performance and for real.

The previous excuse for erotic poetry/literature is once again an example of the unpublishable. It lacks alliteration, assonance and any number of techniques that the skilled, polished auteur considers rudimentary, if not essential.

Being familiar with the phrase " Everything happens in three's " here's a third easily rejected attempt at literary immortality. Categorize this in the junior high school vicinity insofar as target demographic audience goes.

Sparrow, chirping in the Pear Tree

take away

what I said yesterday

what I thought last week

what I'll do tomorrow.

Do you do things by day? Do you do things by week? Do you do things? Are you really the innocent sparrow that I see?

Oh, excuse me! I should never have asked. I won't...beautiful sparrow.

The above is the kind of gibberish that elicits at best a tepid phony compliment ( eagerly fished for ) from a person well established as having rejected the prospective author as a possible co star in one's school play. It virtually drips with fake sentimentalities ad nauseum.

Example number four, geared towards warning would be songwriters of the dangers of overreaching. Here we have a textbook example of what someone underage might come up with, unbeknownst of how little there is to gain from trying to woo someone older than you.

My eyes don't see

you as they used to do.

Feelings flow uneasily,

feelings of me and you.

We strain to touch again,

to make you and I us again.

The world and us spin 'round and 'round,

we know not where we're bound.

We only wish to be found.

As far as analysis goes, this one is self explanatory...or is it? Well, like with most things, if one paid enough money ( say a cool thousand dollars or so ) there may still be magazine ads claiming to offer stellar vocalists, musicians and the like who'll gladly record almost anything. Mysteriously the so called recording artists would be of the extremely obscure variety. Yet ( not to encourage would be Rimbaud's ) limited airplay could exist Simply be advised that you won't bet another hard earned grand on U.S. distribution..

So you want to avoid pit/pratfalls involving video script writing? You couldn't do much worse than this classic make believe piece of teen pubescent nonsense.

Join Big Antoine's organization...and get three gangster coins free. Before, all you had to do was to make someone an offer that they could not refuse and you could get twice the face value for them but now all you have to do is go to some dime store like Fort Know or somewhere to get even more.

So join and get your gangster coins now. Organized crime: a good opportunity for you and a solid opportunity for America.

On the surface this would seem to perhaps almost be a legitimate send up yet upon closer inspection the transparencies are numerous. Somebody would have to be brain damaged to ever be convinced that something like this could lead to more than brief humiliation. Picture a white zoot suit, matching fedora and shoulder length hair for starters. This type of shameful amateurism could lead to abject failure and nowhere else as far as the entertainment industry is concerned. If you are ever tempted to crank something like this out, be forewarned that you'll be the type who would hitchhike to and from, say a prospective music audition.