What If

A thought has drifted into the back of my head

One that has oft filled my heart with dread

I dare not speak it for it might come true

And disrupt the peaceful life between me and you

But recent events have made it seem

That this peace is but a dream

For what I feared is closer than I thought

Or at least it’s closer than it ought

One fated hospital trip and it could be

That soon you might be leaving me;

Dad says that you will be all right

But how can you be with distended belly so tight

With liver not working and so little food consumed

It was silly of me to have assumed

That we had years and years ahead of us

That all I had to do was trust

That the universe would care for us all

When truthfully we’re cosmically small

And on our own in this world

That keeps us hurled and hurled

Throughout our lives and on our toes

And doesn’t care about our woes;

It does not care that I’m not ready

That I’m on uneven footing and unsteady

Not ready yet to lose my mom, my friend

Be it months or years from the end

That I’m not ready to be on my own

That my life skills are not yet honed

Enough to lose my mentor, my guide

That from the world I’d surely hide

If I had to go it alone

Off into the darkness I’d be thrown;

Dad says not to worry, that you will be fine

But I can’t help thinking in the back of my mind—

What if you’re not this time?