Mama died seventeen years ago
I remember because I was supposed to pick up milk
And instead I sat in my car crying
At the stupidity of grocery lists
Three months later I found myself
Talking to her photograph
Like she could actually hear me
Asking her about stupid things
The pastor at her funeral said
God has a plan for everything
I wanted to punch him
Right there in front of the lilies
Some nights I drive around aimlessly
Looking for something I lost
Maybe it was faith
Maybe it was just feeling normal
My sister calls it my dark period
Like grief has an expiration date
Like missing someone ever stops
Like healing happens on schedule
Yesterday I saw a hawk
Circling over the Walmart parking lot
And for some stupid reason
I thought of resurrection
Maybe that sounds crazy
Finding hope in strip mall wildlife
While juggling errands and mortgage payments
And pretending I have it together
The thing is I do feel held sometimes
By something bigger than my problems
When I stop trying so hard
To figure out what it all means
Last night I lit a candle
For no particular reason
Just because the flame looked alive
And alive seemed worth celebrating
About the Creator
Tim Carmichael
Tim is an Appalachian poet and cookbook author. He writes about rural life, family, and the places he grew up around. His poetry and essays have appeared in Bloodroot and Coal Dust, his latest book.
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Comments (3)
Being alive is definitely worth celebrating... for candles and for us too. We should celebrate that we are here, having a life to enjoy. Those who have passed on would want us to enjoy life even when we miss them, even when things are hard. I can relate to this piece having lost two souls that are very, very close to me still, even after they've gone. This piece is emotionally raw and I think beautiful in a somber way.
Amazing writing as usual. You're gifted! May God continue to bless you Tim! Sorry 4 your loss...
I can relate to so much of this. Yesterday was the anniversary of my father being killed in a car crash. That was 49 years ago. I actually felt like he sent me a message from Beyond yesterday. 🤷 This is a very touching piece, Tim. ⚡💙 Bill⚡