(what does it mean) to put you first?
(yet another) piece about people pleasing
why is it so easy to put ourselves last?
to repeatedly place ourselves
at the back of the line
so everyone else has it easier
why is it so simple, so natural
to take a step back
and let others through?
in the grand scheme of our human lives
we will be all we are left with
the last thing we’ll feel and see
and love
will be ourselves
if this is the case
why do we always choose to tolerate?
why do we take what we shouldn’t?
why do we laugh when nothing is funny?
why do we bask in discomfort
for the sake of others?
why is it always okay
to let things slide
when it’s us?
why is it so expected
to let things go?
because it’s fine
it’s not a big deal
it’s never a big deal
until it happens to someone else
someone we love
all of a sudden
it’s everything
and it should be
but are we not a loved one
to ourselves?
why is it okay to treat ourselves worse
than those we love?
why is what other people may feel
weighed more heavily in our minds
than what we do?
are they more important than we are?
are they better?
more deserving?
why?
what makes them more worthy?
truly—what makes it so?
they can be loved
to the moon and back
they can be everything to us
but no one is more important
than you
and what you want
in your own life
just as they should love themselves
as we encourage them to
and put themselves first
and follow their dreams
let their hearts guide them
and pave their way
and hold themselves up high
and love themselves
unconditionally
so should we
but do we?
I think we try to
we read and recite these self-love lines
we try to accept our worth
our value
we nod and wave it off
sure, we matter
we deserve grace
we deserve comfort
we deserve love
sure
we do
it’s true
because it’s rational
and hypocritical
to think otherwise
but still
when it matters most
when we find ourselves dying inside
at another’s hand
we stay silent
why?
why do we stay silent?
I don’t want to hurt them
we say
while the knife is still in our gut
I don’t want to be difficult
the open wound
still bleeding
for all to see
It’s fine
we’re fine
but how long can it last this way?
when we allow others
to trod all over our hearts?
why do we nod when we want to scream
no
I don’t agree
I don’t like this
I don’t want this
stop it
why is stop it
selfish?
stop it
is never selfish
I’m uncomfortable
is never selfish
I don’t want you to
is never selfish
boundaries are never vain
or viciously self-serving
speaking up for ourselves
is never wrong
and upholding our feelings
and treating ourselves like loved ones
is never
ever
undeserved
About the Creator
angela hepworth
Hello! I’m Angela and I enjoy writing fiction, poetry, reviews, and more. I delve into the dark, the sad, the silly, the sexy, and the stupid. Come check me out!
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Comments (6)
'the last thing we’ll feel and see and love will be ourselves'. This is very true Angela. Such an invaluable line! Nice work.
Having tried both the selfish and unselfish, I can say I don't relish either. I guess there's supposed to be a balance, but where the heck that balance is I have no clue. Do what makes you happy; live how you want. No one should fault you for doing what makes you content. If that means being more selfish and looking out for yourself, so be it. I think I speak for everyone in the universe when I say we want you to be the happiest you can be. Also, I'm guessing that Chainsaw Man panel you shared with the text "I wish I had lived a little more selfishly" has stayed in your mind just a bit?
-but are we not a loved one to ourselves?- Out of all the questions asked here, that was the deepest question of all and gave me pause. I don't believe putting ourselves before others is selfish if we know the difference between selfish, selfishness and selflessness. We should be first in our lives. Not in a self-centered or narcissistic way (they can't help it and don't care about definitions) but in a way that satisfies our own evolution. I think it's when we care too much about other's feelings that things get muddled. It's great to care but in certain situations we have to think of ourselves and our feelings first... This a great poem and a great conversation starter, Angela! Whether it gets top story or not, Congrats!!!
Learning how to speak out for oneself is the hardest lesson for soft hearts to grasp. Yours is a lovely heart, so it's no surprise you're asking these questions here. Perhaps one day soon you will be able to let your voice say what your heart is cultivating so eloquently. I love what you've written and how you've articulated it!
I love this poem and what it means to the Self. Great image, too.
The cult of the self looms so large in our cultural milieu, it is easy to neglect the selfless, altruistic character. Your poem brings that character to the fore with style and grace!