What About You?

Who am I Really?

By Sarah WilkesPublished 4 years ago • 2 min read

Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@rishabhdharmani?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Rishabh Dharmani</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/mirror?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a>

After the parade.

More like can I be alone with myself ? Do I actually like how I’m living? Did I choose this life or did trauma choose it for me?

What is this voice I hear in my head? Is it good or bad because I'm listening to it and it leads me down some questionable paths.

What needs to change in my life? What's under my mask? I don't know what I look like anymore. How's my spirit doing?

Is the dream I have for my life actually mine or does it belong to someone else? What was I born to do?

Is it true what other people say about me? Is it my truth or the truth? What's the truth?

After pride.

Do I really love myself? What is real love? I didn’t grow up with it.

Do my friends really love me? Do I really know my friends? Am I a healthy friend?

Am I defined by my past? Do I define other people by their past?

How do I be myself? Do I know myself? What does being healthy even mean?

What do I run to when I feel sad or unsure? What am I running from? Am I stagnate?

All the questions I was too afraid to sit long enough with myself to answer. This left me wasting time living someone else's life, unhappy, unhealthy, unfulfilled.

It's easier said than done to get to know yourself because no one can do it for you.

I spent a lot of time writing inspirational pieces that inspired others but left me depleted. I knew the words I wrote were as false as the life I lived.

I had to find my words.

Not my mothers words, not my friends, not society, not the preacher, not the teacher; all these influences who most likely don't know themselves either.

Pouring from an empty glass.

The blind leading the blind.

Broken people,breaking people.

I’ll be the first to admit I was one of them. Until I found the Word.

The right words. Proverbs that saturated my life with wisdom that set me on a path to self discovery.

Living a life I knew in my heart I didn't like was bondage.

I discovered the key to freedom is not to wear bright costumes and party more; trying to bring attention to my hurt. But to sit with it, ask the hard questions, and listen to the faint voice in my heart that my negative thoughts tried to drown out to keep me from progressing.

That still small voice in my heart gave me answers. Answers I need to live in the truth.

As I sat with myself it whispered:

“ I am born for great things, not the life I am living. I am wonderfully made. To forgive myself for the past because I am forgiven. I have a purpose and destiny that's unique to me. The best of my life is yet to come.”

And for the first time I felt confident.

I felt real.

I learned my place in this world is to help people like me trade the parade for peace.