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Intensity like this shoved in cliches never quite fits
Walking advertisement for scantily clad embarrassment
instead of passion heights that hadn’t lost its nerve
Lion roar permeates Serengeti
until surges are spent
bodies back in focus and
only sound I manage is
“Mmm”
at that ring
About the Creator
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Nice work
Very well written. Keep up the good work!
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Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
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Comments (9)
Awesome entry!!! Love this, SSS!!!
This is exceptional, Dani! In an economy of words you hit the jackpot with this!
Awww, a proposal, that's so sweet! Loved your poem!
Very intense indeed. Good luck in the challenge.
I am grinning away here after reading this... May I ask, tonconfirm a thought, is this a proposal? The ring suggests yes and reading back it all lines up, but I was thinking more sensory, sexual vibes at first... especially with bodies back in focus. The turn of phrase is superb, as ever. Each line is perfectly crafted. I just wonder if I have captured the whole story correctly.
Ohh my!!!! Intense
🤩 Especially loved and appreciated the first line,
This poem is brimming with raw intensity and contrasts that draw you in. The imagery feels both bold and vulnerable, capturing the tension between superficiality and deeper connection. The line "Walking advertisement for scantily clad embarrassment" really sticks out—it's like a critique of modern culture’s obsession with surface-level allure, while hinting at something more complex and meaningful just beneath the surface. The shift in tone towards the end, with the subtle "Mmm", feels almost like a quiet surrender or an acknowledgment of something that’s been lost or overshadowed by noise. There’s a lot of depth in these few lines. Really striking work!!!
You say so much in so few words, love commentary and truths packed into this exquisite poem!