Watching From the Outside

This piece comes from my own experience of watching a family member struggle with addiction. I’ve seen how it changes a person—their behavior, health, choices, and relationships. I’ve tried every word I could think of, but nothing seemed to reach them. Writing this poem was my way of putting those feelings into something I could hold onto, even when I felt powerless.

I’ve been watching you for years. I grew up with your laughter, but now I see the shadows taking over. You aren’t who you used to be.

Your choices fall like shards on the floor. I keep stepping on them, even when I try to stay clear. The cuts still sting.

Your words changed first— sharp where they used to be soft. Then your body followed, thinned out, hollow eyes searching for something

I couldn’t hand you.

Money slipped through your fingers faster than I could count it. Your dream sold off for a quick escape.

Trouble with the law came and went, but nothing seemed to hold you.

I tried talking.

I begged, I pleaded, sometimes in anger, sometimes in tears. But my words sank into silence as if you couldn’t hear me at all.

Now it feels like I’m outside a window, watching you drown inside your own room. My hands press against the glass, but it doesn’t break.

I see misery rising around you, and I can’t stop it.

I reach, but I come back empty. Still, I don’t walk away.

I wait.

In case one day you look up and see me standing here—reminding you that you’re not alone.