Value

How do I make my life valuable?

Everyone around me seems to have

The Answer;

be straight, be white, be cis, be male,

be part of our political party,

be yourself, but not like that,

be like everybody else, but unique with it,

be strong unless you use your strength to defend the weak or you find yourself without dangling bits between your legs (because then you're shrill),

be proud to be an American,

be ashamed if you identify with any other country while living here,

be a person who rejects your own sexual identity if it doesn't agree with your genitals,

be exactly what we want you to be, but still think for yourself (or else you're a sheep),

but if the thoughts you think for yourself disagree with mine,

then YOU are the one in the wrong,

since it could never be ME,

be rich, not poor and lazy,

you have to work hard to have value,

without hard work you deserve to starve,

but if your hard work doesn't make millions of dollars it means nothing,

it wasn't the RIGHT kind of hard work,

be able-bodied so you can do the right kind of hard work,

be knowledgeable and educated,

do your own research,

but if your knowledge leads you down a path I'm unfamiliar with, I'll belittle it,

be brave and a leader, but don't go against the grain,

be wise and spiritual, but don't believe in more than what we can see or else you're a fool,

be whoever you want to be they scream at me

while simultaneously believing that,

because of how I was born,

that I do not deserve love

or acceptance

or enough money to live

or food to eat

or being allowed to go to the doctor without going into a lifetime worth of debt,

or even protection from the elements.

So, again, I ask them, what can I do to deserve your empathy?

Who would you have me be?

How much of myself must I deny or change to finally deserve to be alive in your eyes?

I am Asian-American.

I am nonbinary.

I am pansexual.

I am disabled.

I am poor.

I am a mother.

I am someone's child and sister.

I am human.

Which parts of my humanity make me undeserving of existence?

I want to know how to have value and worth

since being human is not enough anymore.