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“The only thing to fear is fear itself”. What does it take to overcome fear? Fear wraps my heart like a cold-blooded flower. Fear is a liar because people hide behind it like a disguise. Lost in shadows, I’m searching for my self. Trying to figure out who I am. I don’t know how I got here but I’m dying to know the truth within myself. Navigating the obstacles of life. In the whirlwind of life, I silently sway. Learning adulting and taking on new responsibilities. I live in a world where I don’t want to grow up. I was never independent on my own before and always relied on my parents for support. Used to getting my way. Now, I am too focused on what I have lost such as loved ones and finances. It’s like a vicious cycle. Trying to find my way back home. I guess I will never learn to “let go” until the moment has come. No one else will do what I have to do because I am stronger than you. In the mirror, I meet a ghost of myself. Feeling faded overcome with depression and anxiety. In the mirror, I face all unknown things. And there’s no choice between the pain and sorrow I feel affecting your heartbeat for your concern about my emotional health and well being. I have been waiting for this time to heal my wounds from an empty life. My gambling addiction became my escape outlet which was used as an emotional crutch. I was dancing on the edge, afraid to cross the line. I was addicted to my own perception. Being selfish, egotistical, refusing to admit that I have low self esteem and seek acceptance and being in denial that I have a serious problem and needed a therapist and psychiatrist for help. However, I realize the only person who could help is myself. Breaking promises by losing motivation to change bad habits. Made out of things that are just false words they say. Being stubborn never listening to advice. It really doesn’t matter what I do or say. But I can’t stop repeating myself. My actions always have consequences. I cause damage to myself. I don’t learn from my mistakes. But I can’t seem to keep myself from breaking down. Especially, when I feel the pressure coming on. I try to keep my thoughts above the river. Not always living in the present moment. Facing regret and trying to make amends. Or having fear/worry about my future. I am scared for what may happen down the road. I want to be financially stable but how can I when I tend to overspend and impulse buy and don’t keep track of my expenses. I feel like I am barely scraping by struggling to pay my everyday bills. I get lost in my own ears then try to be responsible for. The present is a gift I shouldn’t forget the past I never had to. Sometimes every day is a battle just to get by. Learning self discipline and trying not to lose control. I won’t let it happen again I don’t ask how. In the silence, my fears creep and take their toll. I just want things to settle down with peace and know that I will be alright someday. Through the shadows, I hope to find my way. I’d rather run away from the game I used to play. I feel like every time I try to fix one thing something else happens and falls apart. There is no proper balance. I hope that something changes. I need to wake up to reality. And all that I can do is keep on getting better each day. One step at a time. In the dark corners, I search for a sign. I need to believe in something that there is a “higher power”. Whispers of hope within this hour. No longer will I let fear wrap my heart like a cold-blooded flower. But I will make towards the end and maybe get on with the little things. I won’t give up without a fight and take it all for granted. Facing fears, even when my heart feels so stranded. But I can keep my head held up high and thank god because I am never giving up.