Unspoken Inventory

I never said

You snore louder than a chainsaw in a haunted lumberyard

And yes, it wakes the neighborhood dogs, the mailman

And that one nosy squirrel with insomnia

I never said

That your “wonderful cooking” tastes like a science experiment gone wrong

Like someone tried to boil concrete and called it stew

But I smiled, because starving is less painful than honesty

I never said

When you dance like a malfunctioning robot

I’m torn between laughter and the urge to call an exorcist

Please, for the love of all that’s holy, stop before you break a hip

I never said

That your “romantic” texts read like a confused pirate map

“Meet me where the stars wink and the tacos fly”

And I’m left Googling coordinates at 2 AM

I never said

I pretend to understand your fantasy football rants

Because nodding is cheaper than therapy

And yes, I do think your “star player” sounds like a Marvel villain

I never said

That your snide comments about my taste in music

Are the soundtrack to my silent eye-roll symphony

Spoiler alert: I will blast Beyoncé just to spite you

I never said

That the weird little dance you do when no one’s watching

Is the reason I’m both terrified and strangely attracted

You’re a mystery wrapped in dad jokes and bad timing

I never said

That sometimes I’m scared you’ll find out I don’t really know what I’m doing

That my confidence is just a sock puppet of bravado

And you’re the only one with the scissors

But now I say

You snore like a chainsaw, your stew could build skyscrapers

Your dance moves are an emergency, and your texts are cryptic tacos

And I love every ridiculous, awful, wonderful thing about it

Because some truths don’t need said

Sometimes, they just need to be laughed at loud