Unsent Letters: X

How do I begin to live again?

I’m detached from the 3D

Floating along in semi controlled consciousness

And yet I want love

But the wanting in itself is already false

It’s a distraction

Why would I want if I am?

Must I become love?

Completely

Am I supposed to want marriage?

Or shall I continue to romanticize my existential crisis

What stops me from participating in the 3D world?

The 3D world is beautiful

There’s color

And trees

And Rick and Morty

Weed and shrooms

The Halal Time food truck on East 6th

There’s laughing with your best friends

And Jack in the box curly fries

As long as I continue to focus on the beautiful, maybe just maybe I can link to the 3D once again

Maybe I could open up

Maybe even let someone in

If I focus on counting the threads

I could find enough to patch me back in

I’m fading away

Can anyone still see me?

Am I spiraling or ascending?

They feel the same

Maybe they are

Why must I torture myself?

I laugh because my mind really convinces me I deserve it

When I deserve peace

I deserve ease

I deserve rest

I deserve love

I deserve joy

My threads that keep me together

Everything that is lovely

Everything that is pure

Everything that is pleasurable

May those things occupy my mind

May creativity and inspiration be my map and devotion and discipline power my feet

May my ego be a resource and not my source