Unguided

It is not that I do not have a mother

Raised by hands that occasionally wished me well

My name sounding more a curse

than a blessing passed down with love

No, I cannot have a mother

A safe place to land

Respite in the storm, shelter from the waves

Lapping at the edges of my soul

I cannot have what is not safe

A life spent caught between who she wished I was

Falling forever short

Little feet unable to keep up

With ever shifting goals

I cannot have a mother

So I became one to myself.

Clumsily wandering through life blindly

Mistakes my only guide

I cannot have a mother,

Now she can have me

No more