Undecided

It took everything in me not to make this decision but

I am slowly regretting what I said in them real ass thoughts videos

Retiring from writing?

Damn…

It can’t be, am I ready to pass up my dream so easily?

Forget what people gotta say,

people just mad cuz’ they have no direction

Fuck society’s idea of normalcy

Truth of the matter is, I do need a hiatus

Nonstop work for eighteen years,

I am beyond the threshold of exhaustion

Bodily and spiritual health done got shot up

like boyz in the hood, now I’m in this process of repairing myself

Higher conscience screaming “RICKY”

Scrambling to get it together

All this effort just to get a bag of shit,

people in my life turning on me

Doors are being shut in my face

Remember when I got bait and switched at QXT’s?

Me neither

Followers and friends, them shits flee

whenever I’m working my light

Romantic prospects don’t even desire my generosity

Okay, fine by me

Hate me now, keep the same energy later

Found out dat’ I was bein’ set up since birth,

I’ll explain it in a future project

Retiring from writing?

I am unsure of which decision I should make now

This is what I enjoy, my life’s purpose

A superpower that I have been granted

If I pass that up, then I will have

nothing else left that is all I got

If I pass that up, I will lose everything

Family won’t respect me anymore, not that they do anyway

I’ll never be accepted by anyone anymore,

blatantly removed from the social hierarchy

Women won’t give me winks and smiles anymore

My college degrees will not mean anything

All my spiritual knowledge will be stripped away from me

Still gonna be stuck at 33 Washington wiping windows

and doors for nothing an hour

I got another choice too…

Keep pushing

So what about the exhaustion?

So what about the disdain?

So what about the ridicule?

So what about the misery?

Everything I done been through

as a child, my struggles weren’t for nothing

It has made me into who I am as an entity,

the hugest chunk of my soul’s essence

Were in places so rough, could’ve sworn dat’

I wanted to live there for a little while longer

since I contracted a concussion from

hitting the bottom so roughly

It doesn’t take much to play it safe and allow

the environmental metas to haunt you

Though it’s not the mantra I live life by, idling is for quitters

I better not allow anyone to sit me down,

gotta keep my chin tucked

Do you know where I’m from?