Two Summers

I have slept with a bra on

every night

since fifth grade

when my Mother's

discarded

Woman's

Day

told me

it kept your

boobs

perky

longer

later

the internet told me

bras

cause

cancer

and I knew

for perky breasts

a man

might

ogle

I would risk

two summers

now

I've waited

to find out

if I have

it

biopsies

of the breast

and

lungs

awaiting

the karmic

retribution

for my

sins

of the

past

no amount of sobriety

can

convince

me

I

won't

catch

up

to

me

I used to think

the magic

of me

kept me alive

consequence

free

to be

if I could only

see

what I was

supposed to

do

now I attribute

it

all

to dumb

bitch

luck

of the

draw

it's still the same God

I speak to

in the shower

waiting on results

asking

why didn’t you take me

when I was

fragile

fake

just a girl

narrating

from inside

those unsafe places

men

pressed at my throat

and me walking out

with wounds

you'd have to love me

to

see

not to

worry

I will

not

let

that

happen

I keep these boobs

perky

on the off

chance

a man

will

fall in love with

me someday

but only the mirage

only the headline

in the magazine

saying

if you leave the bra on

long enough

to trap your tits

in time

you will become

a

woman

can

unwind

become a girl again

clumsy

and susceptible

to bad

advice

wearing

bras

from the limited

too

blind to see

everything I tried to be

is

the cancer

catching

up

to

me