Twice in a Lifetime

You were dreaming

of a world where you could go to mcdonalds

and buy an eight ball with yr happy meal

you dont need a child because you are one

you stay up for days and refuse food

you can’t get a job cause youre busy

youre building a rainbow

youre building a sunset with no scaffolding

youre building the future

it looks like a mountain with a crown of clouds

its really smoke from all the cigarettes you smoked in yr twenties

the ringing in yr ears is the sound of you getting older

the air in yr lungs is borrowed time

you look like a leather jacket left out in the sun

its only vintage because you wore it in the rain

inevitably

donated to a goodwill near yr mothers house

you say it was a charity tax write off at parties and barbecues

she says daddys dont need leather jackets

and who are you to argue

after too many bottles of domestic beer and one finger of whiskey

you make a scene

just a bunch of gibberish and good intentions and hand gestures

the likes of which only alcoholics and autistics and people who have known you yr whole life

can understand

yr hearts in the right place

but yr brain cant make the connection

yr parents look embarrassed

yr in laws disappointed

yr friends look like strangers you see in the supermarket

it’s so familiar youre almost convinced you need it

and that scares you because youve never needed anything

you start to panic and yr drink is dry and no one will look you in the face

suddenly theyre fascinated by their shoes

the stupid gravel in yr stupid yard that yr stupid house just had to come with

you start to feel something

when she puts on yr favorite song

and takes yr hand in hers

and wraps it around the soft closed fist

of the greatest thing youve ever done

and you feel something