Trying

the reason that we met is still so unclear to me. i don’t know whether it was for love or hate, happiness or pain. i’m still not sure what the true reason is. maybe we were brought together to heal each other; but how could someone who was hurting just as bad hurt the other even more. i began to think it was love, up until the love turned to some sort of hate. i thought that it was a forever thing, but forever is just a fairytale, I guess. you can’t promise someone forever when you’re not completely truthful with them. With all the thinking and digging i was doing, i started to come to the conclusion that you were just a lesson being taught on my journey of healing. you in fact taught me a lot, but at the same time you hurt me more than you healed me. maybe i was blinded by the fact that i wanted things to be so pure and real; that i pushed my feelings aside and wanted to love you for you. but i couldn’t love you for you, when you wouldn’t even open up to me about the simplest of things. it was like you were a mystery waiting to be solved but didn’t want to be solved; just forever remaining a mystery. how are you supposed to love someone that you truly don’t know? that was the biggest mistake. giving someone your all, and not getting it in return. i should’ve learned from past experiences. but i was so curious to try again. something along the lines of trial and error. you were so kind and so sweet, and you did win my heart over at some point. but the good was quickly paved over by the bad. i wanted things to work so bad, but how are we supposed to make things work when i’m the only one trying?