Try

Its a Friday night

I walk in late to the service

I see the candles being lit

And the braided bread sitting so peacefully not knowing it will soon be ripped to shreds

I take my seat and look around

Everyone is all dressed up

I am in shorts and a t-shirt

I had just come home from school

I slouch in my pew

I feel like the odd one out

It’s like getting a dozen white eggs but you get one brown egg

Thoughts flow in

“You don’t belong”

“You will never be fully accepted”

“Why even try”

It’s now a Tuesday night

The room is very colorful

I hear the ringing of the bell again and again as each child struggles to reach it

I feel at home here

Everyone is a brown egg

Then it hits me

I don’t even know what the pundit is saying

I try to fit in

I mumble the words but it’s not the same

I look at my clothes

Geesh I look like a schlub

Pants and a t-shirt

I don’t fit in here

Their eyes stare me down as if to tell me

“You don’t belong”

“You will never be yourself here”

“Why even try”

It’s now Monday morning

The 8am bell rings

I look around at all of my peers

I should feel at home here

I mean now there are some white eggs missing

And are replaced with eggs of color

But why is it that I still feel like that lone brown egg

No one can understand the struggles I’ve gone through

No one relates to the namecalling and the stares

The friends I had for 5 years fell through

When they found out who I truly am

They don’t accept the gay Jewish Indian girl who just wants to live a normal life

Their words keep coming back to me

“You’re a disease”

“You’re a mistake in society”

“Why even try”

It’s Saturday night

I’m stressed from the week I’ve had

When I remember my special place

I put on my headphones

Close my eyes

I breathe

I see purple mountains

A blue sky

And animals all around me

I like this place

I let go of the week

Voices all around me speak to me

“You are beautiful”

“You are loved”

“You are always accepted here”

“You are stronger than them”

“Keep trying”