Truth

You rather be the one that got away.

Be alone,

keep your guard up,

and lead my heart astray.

Jump ship

and act like you never cared.

The reality I loved you in

your soul wasn’t there.

Is it easier to watch me be with him

because you knew you weren’t all in?

And it’s easy to say

my shit was too heavy to hold

when the truth is,

your mind and spirit is dark as fuck

and you don’t want anybody else to know.

Cause you rather play the victim

in the version of things,

a universe you made up in your mind

to protect you from the truth.

Lord knows

the real problem was always you.

If we really being honest,

I was fucked up too.

But I always tried more.

I think I died more.

Probably cried more.

So when you asked me,

“Do you love him?”

I told you no

cause how can I really love someone

after the way you discarded me

and let me go?

Wasn’t really an “us,”

there was just “I”

feeding into the delusions

of me and you.

Just because you knew

you awakened a love in me

that was too beautiful to lose.

Promises of “I do,”

even though your love wasn’t true.

It’s cruel.

So between him and you,

who the hell was I supposed to choose?

Heart bruised.

I look at him

and aspire to love myself

the way he does.

Pray he does

carry weight,

pain,

and still have faith

because the dull ache

and numb from the heartbreak

is all I feel

Something I wish I could deliver

so you can take it.

Wondering if he knows.

Wondering when the hell

my heart will let go.

Moved past the actions,

forgave and prayed.

Next stop,

learning how to love me

the way he loves

the woman you broke.

Still struggling to digest the words you spoke.

There’s a deep loneliness and

sadness to the way this goes.

True love

a story I wish

I never was told.