Troll Warning

Do not feed the trolls; they are very insecure

in their identities as trolls.

In troll society, troll-ness is tied directly to troll status and troll self-worth. Therefore, a troll must constantly find ways to reassert his troll-ness, thus establishing his place in troll hierarchy, and bolstering his self-confidence as a troll.

These troll outbursts are not cute. They are immature, violent, and dangerous.

Do not feed the trolls.

If you do feed a troll, he might send you pictures of his troll erections. He will expect you to be impressed. If you are not impressed, he will throw a troll tantrum.

A troll's greatest fear is that you will laugh at him.

Do not feed the trolls.

In troll society, the only acceptable emotion for a troll to express is anger. All other emotions are thereby suppressed, leaving every troll emotionally crippled and unstable. If you feed a troll, he will expect you to serve as his emotional crutch. This leads to a relationship that is emotionally taxing for you, and weirdly oedipal in a gross psycho-sexual way that you probably did not sign up for.

Do not feed the trolls.

Do not walk home alone at night.

Do not feed the trolls.

Have your keys ready on your way to your car.

Do not feed the trolls.

Do not rent a base floor apartment.

Do not feed the trolls.

Carry a whistle with you. Carry mace. Arm yourself. Learn basic self-defense.

Do not feed the trolls.

Many a troll will claim to be on your side. They might seem sweet at first. We urge you to be careful, however. This could be a ruse.

A troll always shows his true face eventually.

Do not feed the trolls.

Update: trolls have taken over the world. Furthermore, the trolls have decided that it is your fault that they are hungry, and they hate you for it. They believe they are entitled to your food, your love, your attention, your praise, your time, and your life.

But do not let the trolls grind you down. A better world is possible.

Do not feed the trolls.