Triple Threat

I am told that I am a triple threat

I sing write and act

I'm told I'm talented

People drown me in compliments

But when called a triple threat I cringe

Because I am Black a women and Queer

And ain't that always been 3 reasons for someone to want to kill me

This is a coming out poem that is past due

This is the first time I have openly talked about being Queer in public

Or did not say it like a question

Being Queer is not a choice

But hiding it was

For years I would choke on my tongue

Edit my truth

I tried to convince myself I only liked men

I write myself off in poems

Change pronouns in them

But flirt with women at poetry slams

I tried to convince myself that I didn't need to be all of me

That a Black woman was enough

Question:

Would you choose the closet or the coffin?

The first sermon I can remember was about how much the "homos" were gonna burn

And the church said Amen

As if they were trying to hang me

Or nail me to their cross

So I bit the bullet

The closet was built for me

I was scared to come out to my mom and dad

Cause in this family I'm not allowed to be the bearer of bad news

I brought home A's

Or honors

Ive gotten trophy after trophy

I'm the bright baby they bring with them to impress all they're friends

In this family,

I am the token

not the stove burned hands

Not the burnt skin butch

But maybe it will be okay

If this poem goes viral someday

maybe they can still be proud of me

If I blow up will it defuse the dropped bomb

Once my mom said that if I was gay she'd be disappointed

But what if I keep singing?

What if I am still the triple threat?

Will awards ease the burden?

Or will they be the first ones in line with the 3 headed pitchforks

I know I've been covering it up to be considerate of their feelings

To me

Coming out doesn't mean losing friends

It means I might lose fans

I've been taught to be as agreeable as possible

Be a token

Smile for their posters

So they won't knock your teeth out

I've had to pretend to be straight for self preservation

Just like I've had to act calm with a gun to my face

It is not a question of whether I'll be invited to the cookouts

But if

I'll lose performance opportunities

Question

Will the black church pay for the sinner to shine

People who I consider close to me are offended when same sex couples show affection

But I was just jealous

Seeing others love freely never made me feel like I had permission to

How can I consider marriage equality an accomplishment when y'all

I was too scared to hold my girlfriends hand in public

Like a glare could kill me

I thought

A nasty comment would consume my spirit

Confession:

I constantly defend my Blackness but stayed silent on June 12th

I know I am a target

Just like I know that self -hatred can not and will not ever save me

My existence is necessary

And I'm coming to defend it

In full color

I refuse to hide

Even if that mean pitchforks

Or open range

I can't wait to go to my first pride parade

Maybe this could be my coming out party

Thanks for showing up.