Colorism

In This Shade ( Colorism)

My skin is Black,

my arms are long,

my hair is wooly,

my back is strong

There are days when I constantly pick at my scabs

Where I look in the mirror and can't stop scratching

I am often reminded that my skin has gotten me the most attention

Can be a distraction

I am an open wound because I was constantly picked on by other kids

You know, the classic jokes:

When the lights turned off,

"Where did Shasparay go?"

Of course, I have spent so much energy trying to be invisible

I dodge the sun while white people bath in it

Shield myself like I can't afford anymore darkness

Summers are suppose to be fun right?

But the bleach balloons keep flying on west campus

And you still wonder why we're so afraid to get wet.

I'm afraid to drown

I'm afraid, the next time I go to the pool

I won't be able to breathe because a white cop will want to test how long until I break

I won't be able to hide

Not in this skin

Don't even need a paper bag to know I won't pass the test.

When I was younger I treated my melanin like mud

Like it could be washed off.

At 12, my dirty little secret came in a white bottle that promised to make you at least two shades lighter.

Yet no chemical could quell me!

At 10, I decided to bathe in bleach

I thought that this skin was a sin

Thank God it didn't work

Thank God I found out that whitewash will never be an effective holy water

They called me a mess

Said my skin was dirty

So I tried to convince myself that I could never love a Black man

Tried to convince myself that I was not attracted to someone who looked like me

If I have ever rejected you because of your color

Forgive me,

Not recognizing your beauty was just me trying to reject that same beauty in myself

I was told it was my responsibility to lighten the legacy

Like my color could be erased

Like it is easier to be a lighter shade

People have always tried to question blackness

But now we have to ask Rachel for our identity back

Stop it with the

Team Light skin vs Dark skin

Who cares if you can't win the game

They are trying to reduce black to ash

while you put up hashtags

Listen,

They do not believe black lives matter

If they did why are we still being murdered

In every shade

Ain't no hiding

Ain't no safe

This skin has never given me the option to dismiss it

My dark can do damage

My dark can rip your race apart

I AM BLACK

I am a celebration

Call me ugly and I'll summon my black girl magic to swallow you whole

Call me darkie

Because I will be sure to show this world the light

This black is magic

It is not a mistake

Black is beautiful

In this shade, in this shade, in my shade...