Trapped

my words are stuck, trapped, locked up

unstoppable, the momentum has pushed me so hard, so fast, My brain is trapped, my heart is stuck

My words are slapped onto

The floor

frozen, I catapult as an acrobat into my destruction

handing my heart like a fine dish I spent all day on

you spat it out, secretly savoring the little bits you got to keep

Anchored love that defines as family, as confidants, friends,

Locks up any other chance

When you’re trapped inside of a funnel of doom, your nervous system leaks out fumigated fervor

It’s sadness subjugated to a fierce torrent

It’s as though you were a song I loved once

Now your burst in my ears like a gorgeous, ripe blackberry I picked as a child that turned out poisonous

At inconvenient flashes of memory, grappling with trapped pockets of loud, heavy, damp

soaked in —-

I open my eyes, they’ve been shut this whole time, so afraid, so terrified

Of the beyond

The scare below me,

The force above me

The tilting of the forward in front of me

To be loved with death

To be fainted and pretend to be awake

To love but never have their truth said plainly aloud,

To love in a trap

Which trap is finer?

The anticipation of the final jump

It churns my heart gravel into a pulp, gripping inside my rib cage like a lion to its prey

Trapped

Trapped

Suffocated by your tutelage, your abuse wrapped up as your armor

Drowning in your fake love, conditional by choice

…

Trapped, I thought I was

I snapped out of it

And as I jump

I’m finally free.