Top Stories
Stories in Poets that you’ll love, handpicked by our team.
The Shitty Table
Bah humbug, it's that time of year, when we spend more than we can afford and get pissed on cheap beer. Although I don't doubt it is merry for some, I myself find Christmas all too glum. I am the Grinch with a beating heart, a character at the table who plays their part.
By Rosie J. Sargent3 years ago in Poets
Jolly Ol’ Saint Nick
Spinning rooms and floating doors I’m not in Kansas or sleeping - no more But how to explain - exactly what I am seeing If I am awake and not safely dreaming * The holidays arrived like before, pretty quickly We are just days away from visits with jolly saint Nicky 🎅 So how is he sitting beside me here on my bed With visions of unicorns circling my head? * He says, he can’t see them - I must be confused Sleep deprived, tipsy or have a major screw loose Whatever it is, I think Im losing my mind He said he will hang around - just to help me to find it * I had it this morning - while I was at work I could have lost it in the car-others were driving like jerks He’s belly laughing at me - I’m not sure what is so funny Omg he just turned into an oversized bunny 🐰 * How the hell did that happen? I only blinked once Well, maybe I dozed off, boy- I feel like a dunce I took a few ambien - just before bed Maybe that could explain it, and this is all in my head * I noticed my Santa is missing from off of my lawn And he arrived out of nowhere sometime after I yawned But how did he manage to get in the front door - his hands attached to his side? He said stop asking all those stupid questions, I got a sleigh - come on, let’s ride * All the reindeer are here and they’re not tiny at all And rudolf, that asshole - just took a dump in the hall I stepped into it barefooted and they all started to laugh They sound like elves sucking helium - after a bath * And they needed one too - they all smelled like old farts They shifted shapes, so we all fit into the jacuzzi heart- tub My mom loved that ol’ tub - I thought would be in the way Oh what the hell - lets all go get into that sleigh * We took off with a start, I began quickly to swoon I felt just like ET flying in front of the moon It was so big and so bright Santa handed out sunglasses 🕶 Then everything became slow - like winter molasses * We traveled all over the world, from Bangkok to Utah When the reindeer got tired, Santa rented a U-haul He said not to tell anyone what I had seen Took my sunglasses off, said it’s was all just a dream 💤 * He then snapped his fingers- and counted to three He said, wake up now, you have to go pee And boy, was he right- I would have peed on myself But it’s happened before, I blamed the elf on the shelf * Those boys must be best buddies, he told me to tell him I’m sorry Told me his real name wasn’t dick, it was actually, Charlie I crawled back into bed - my bladder empty and light Hearing yelling outside, saying, to all a goodnight 🌙
By Kelli Sheckler-Amsden3 years ago in Poets
