Too Much Tea, Not Enough Joy

Would I know joy if it ever arrived?

Or would I see it as a stranger?

Maybe I’d befriend it

But the truth is, joy has always been a stranger

A drifter in my life

Arriving unexpectedly and leaving too soon

Maybe it’s an acquaintance

Certainly not a friend

Some days, I keep staring at the door

Waiting for joy to arrive

Like my cat waiting for his favourite person

I sip tea and I wait

Without joy, I find it difficult to go on with my day

Because some days

There’s way too much ache

So I keep waiting

Unable to move, unable to do anything

My cat dozes off

I wonder whether he knows

I try to wake him up, and his ears go up

Sometimes I try to find joy

In the softness of his fur

He doesn’t like me much

Hours go by, and joy doesn’t arrive

I try to gather my grief

But I keep breaking

There’s no one home, it’s just me

The loneliness grows

The stillness haunts me

Where is joy? I’m tired of waiting

I make more tea

My cat wakes up and looks at me

I try to make him eat, and he ignores me

Where is joy? It’s time for dinner

There’s no one home

It’s just me

I’ve had way too much tea

Maybe I’ll stay up all night

And write letters to joy

About how I’ve been waiting

For its sugary arrival.

...

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