today i hid in the toilet and cried
and cried and cried until...
today I want to be alone
but it's Tuesday 9am and I
am already on the fucking field
in the forest with my
fucking brushing machine which
broke down again because someone
took it cos my name wasn't
written on it.
today I don't want to be talked to
because I might punch
someone in the face
so I starve until 1.30pm and
then hide in the van for
lunch but then they all
showed up, then why
no one worked from 12?
today I don't want to be crowded
like sardines in the car trying
to spoon my food into
my mouth instead of
my pants but this ass keeps
jumping on his seat, hitting
the thermos out of my hand
splash! there my lunch went.
today i just want to go home
and hide somewhere nobody
can find me, but the house
is crowded with 3 Indians
making music with pots and
pans and shouting like they
are selling paratha from a Delhi food stand
today I don't want to be touched
but the 2 Latvian are yelling even louder
they got mad cos his fucking tank got shot
it's just a stupid game but no
he cares more about the
score than the lines he brushed
bang! there goes a fucking cup
and hits me almost in the head.
i just want to be alone, can't you
understand? stop stepping on my
yoga mat and ask me what I journal about
it's too much, my head feels like a
buzzing bee hive someone just
stepped on, so I hide the toilet and cry
until you knock on the door and take
away my last private space.
~~~~
I wrote this last autumn when I was working in a team of 7 - three Indians, two Latvians, my boyfriend and me. It was just too much for me. I'm an introvert and I need alone time to digest the day and recover, and I felt like I was going mad from someone being in my private space 24/7 (and my boyfriend doesn't count here). At one point I felt like I can't even be alone on the toilet, so I wrote this to get rid of my frustration.
Thanks goodness, we started our own forestry business with my boyfriend and work alone, just the two of us. My mental health improved rapidly after.
Thank you for reading ❤️
~~~
Image by Piyapong Saydaung from Pixabay.
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Comments (10)
O.M.GEEEE! Can I EVER relate to this! *Highly functioning introvert over here* Some people just cannot ever seem to honor/respect that. Talk about ARRRGGGGH! What an appropriate and peaceful income you've created. My action plan is to do the same. The employment sector seems like it couldn't have an ounce of quiet and space to save its life in my humble opinion. Thank you for writing and sharing!
Ohhh that is so so heartbreaking indeed. Makes me really sad to even hear it so i can relate as to how it must be to actually go through this. Very brave of u to share this with us. Wish u and ur boyfriend all the good and peaceful time with each other @Imola Tóth
To much we means not enough me. I can definitely relate.
I felt like I was there. This was so immersive. I felt like I was being inconvenienced at every breath. It was entertaining too, but with my sympathy still intact for you. I am glad that you and your boyfriend finally get to live a life of peace and that your mental health is much better now. 🤗
What a day that must have been. I have had days like that now and again. It's hard but life does that and you made a change for the better. Good job.
Oh no, I'm so sorry 😢 That day sounded rough to say the least. We introverts need down time/alone time to recover, for certain, and sorry they weren't allowing it. I hope things are so much better now with your duo business with your boyfriend! 💛 And I hope you are able to relax and recharge every now and then.
Gosh I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm an introvert too so I know how important alone time is. I'm so glad you're not working with them anymore
I feel for you. People that don't understand think that wanting to be alone=being lonely. It is not the same. Great poem.
I feel this so much. Sometimes I just get so "full" of interaction of any sort and just wish I could hide away.
Another breathtaking and heartbreaking take on modern living, as an introvert in a non-introvert-serving situation. It sounds hellish, and it's not really anyone's fault. But, I felt the ache in each line and as it piled on towards the last final line. Glad you're out of that situation, Poet Imola. You have quite a collection of poetry amassing.