To The Man With A Gun

My dear Sir, -

I suppose you are having an excellent time just now.

There are a large number of counties

In England and Scotland,

And I am not acquainted with one of them

Wherein your bang-bang

And puffs of smoke

And red-faced men with dogs

Are not to be encountered.

You like it;

It is very nice;

And really, when you come to think of it,

It is what the counties were made for.

In the history books

They were wont to say

Of a certain Norman monarch,

That he loved the red deer

As if he were their brother.

Of you it may safely be said

That you love the red grouse

And the brown partridge.

As if you were a poulterer.

You are a sportsman.

The man who first went out with a gun

To shoot game

Probably did it on the sly.

Had he been caught

He would no doubt have been regarded

By the sportsmen of his day

With the same contempt

That you yourself indulge

For the unprincipled blackguard, Sir,

Who shoots foxes.

But time and the gunsmiths

Have changed all that;

And now you are a sportsman,

A shooter of birds

For the London market.

You are also a gunner,

And you kill things.

Oh! why do you not go

And live at Gunners-bury?

Bad joke?

Well, I know it is.

But I assure you, my dear Sir,

That it is not half so bad as I can make them

When I try.

To come now to the region

Of practical politics,

Let me explain to you right off

That, despite all that has been said against you

By people who are mad about the Land

And the Game-laws,

And the feathered kingdom

And so forth,

I,

Who am always on the side of wisdom,

Have discovered a justification for you.

It is this:

There has been a great demand of late

For really competent shots.

In response to that demand

Mr. Kipling has started a village rifle club.

I understand that the members thereof

Are, let us say, five hundred in number.

Now, I put it to you, Sir,

How many sportsmen are there

Shooting in this beautiful country and Scotland

To-day?

Well, we will not compute;

It is dangerous.

But you could make a fairly big rifle club out of them.

They are all good men,

And of course all beautiful shots.

Some day

(When the war is over)

England may want them.

Will they answer to the call?

My dear Sir,

You have your uses.

Go in peace.