To Feel

To Feel Well / Nothing

Desiring placement..

Explanations lost..

For time has gone..

At what cost..

Missing out on your reality..

Nothing we had was ever meant to be..

I was notable to give you that special.. Part of me..

Took you long enough to see..

Could we..

Ever make wild hearts obey ?

Were you willing to pay ?

Could you imagine the price ?

Would it sway her to stay ?

Unanswered questions still to

this day..

Did you have to betray ?

Let her go !!

Could never afford her anyway..

Still I ask..

Will there ever come a day ..

That I’m able to feel well ?

I never..

Wanted to say.. What I have to say..

But today is that day..

I live in a horrible regret..

Handed to me by my torturous lack of involvement..

Now I can see .. What you meant..

I still so much to vent..

From a life cycle I could not prevent..

The reasons I breathe are heaven sent..

This lack..

Of competency dwells well below my surface..

In fact it has fallen so hard.. It's dropped me into a unwanted sickend position..

Not much room for a smooth transition..

Not my own decision..

Feeling like I need to cut it out.. Using a sharp incision..

Searching for my way.. To feel nothing..

Still I ask..

Will there ever come a day ..

That I’m able to feel well ?

No sights are seen..

Beyond this room..

No windows..

That's how my life goes..

Struggles self imposed..

Ignorance always shows..

How to pose ..

In weakness..

Lies no forgiveness..

Through this process..

I have allowed in a presence..

With a intention to attatch.. Where is my escape latch ?

Breaking through..

My outside burrowing in..

It's bleeding.. Spreading this sickness..

The disease absorbs.. All my functional grace..

Never been comfortable with how it tastes..

My life's turned out to be such a waste..

In disgrace.. I need my space..

Still I ask..

Will there ever come a day ..

That I can feel nothing ?

Practicing religon..

Debating on idealistic notions..

Showing off my dispositions..

Listening to discussions based on idolization..

Focusing on his inabillity to recapture.. Relinquised souls..

My will is still a deciding factor..

Save up your wishes.. For in case there’s a after..

Every visual distraction..

Brings me closer to emotional failure..

These moves to me are not subtle..

Your challenge is.. You can't feel these struggles..

Unable to see this pain inside..

Just like me.. It prefers to hide..

I reamin hopeful.. It’s nothing you ever find.. Depression is so unkind..

Still I ask..

Will there ever be a day..

That I’m able to feel well ?

Who's to judge ?

My feelings of complete detraction..

A response to your addition by my subtraction..

A harmless reaction?

Take a step back with precaution..

From my thoughts you will have to defend..

No time left for you to mend..

My life of scarring has always broke.. Before you bend..

Dreams become truth..

I have no proof.. Beyond my experiences..

Only reconizable to myself in my unconsciusness..

I can no longer dismiss..

I have grown so tired of this.. You get the jist..

I’m have been busy preventing .. The abuse of these weak wrists..

Still I ask..

Will there ever come a time..

That I can feel nothing ?

Where does one go ?

To find themselves ?

Spare me the directions.. Rhetorical questions..

I know where I’m currently at..

Somplace dark..

Surrounded by a loss of healing..

No longer capable of dealing.. Trying to end all that bleeding..

For my life.. My love is competing..

All of this..

I thought about deleting..

Yet another piece about demons feeding..

I believe it to have a deeper meaning..

Something that can inspire someone else who has been leaning..

For that purpose I hope you are reading.. Maintain your breathing..

Not a day passes that i don’t relive that vivid memory..

A visual that sticks with me.. Dropping the knife..

Choosing life..

We all have..

Choices to make..

My life I could not take..

Unwilling to participate..

In a transference of pain..

Why make anyone else suffer..

All these thoughts..

Leave me shook..

Mourning the loss of every life depression has took..

Let us never forget thier names..

Send them love.. Never to blame..

In your forgiveness grieving has no shame..

For in our hearts they shall remain..

All I have left to say..

Is that i'm thankful for life everyday..

No matter how i feel..

Nothing feels better than living for today..

That's why i stay..

Poetry By Clcle Of Scars..

Artwork By Artist Unknown..