To Fall

There are so many words

To describe how it feels when you are sad.

I won’t pen them down. I won’t let them drag me

I send them far away from me.

It’s not really a bunch of important words that help you move on or words to help you understand yourself,

It’s actions.

It’s the smallest amount of silence you let yourself have, that tiny fear right before you start cooking dinner or cleaning,

you know you can’t do it, you can barely brush your hair,

You can barely talk,

You don’t even want to eat,

But it’s taking that plunge and then starting the stove, cutting the vegetables

And creating something for your family

So you can start all over again tomorrow.

It’s playing with your kids when you have no energy to do so,

It’s being patient when you feel you are losing your understanding of joy.

Sinking into that pit of despair.

I don’t think it’s a pit,

But a heavy cloud, the water waiting to fall back on to the ground.

It evaporates up again,

Ready to inhabit the cloud, a river of old

Memories.

Humans recycle like that too,

Recycle their feelings

Back into others.

I want mine to be nice feelings,

So the bad ones can stay away,

Especially far away,

Far from this message.