To Be Alive

Finally done is the parade, with it goes the charade.

The celebration, the laughs

Every happy smile in the photographs

For a moment enjoying the little freedom I felt

Back to the real world to deal with the cards I’ve been dealt

I’m too broke to eat, too depressed to live.

The exhaustion from every fake happy I had to give.

I don’t want to be depressed. I want to take care of this.

To do that I need a change or maybe a therapist

The ironic thing is since I’m broke, I can’t afford it.

If I go anyway, I’ll be in more debt.

Maybe it would help or maybe not.

Right now, I can’t afford to take that shot.

Every day working a job I like but do not love

Every night praying to the good god above

That someday soon my life will have meaning

That my smile won’t be fake but beaming.

I am a stray puzzle piece, never fitting

I wake up every morning alive, but not living

Every morning believing the notion

That today I won't only go through the motions

Here is the truth it’s sad but true.

There are three things that I don’t want to do.

Most times poems are metaphor after metaphor.

Let me be upfront some days I don’t want to be alive anymore.

Now I said there were three things that was one.

So let me say the others before I’m done.

I want to live for my family I don’t want to let them down.

They wouldn’t be the same if I weren't around.

Lastly, I don’t want to die before I have ever lived.

All the love that I still must share and give.

Have a child, write a book, or get wed.

I can’t achieve these goals if I’m dead.

So, although the world seems cold and dark.

I'll fight to find some light or create a spark.

We all have different stories and reasons for the war we fight.

Maybe when we share it we can also share a little light.