Public Notice 17-B

PUBLIC NOTICE 17-B: TEMPORARY SUSPENSION OF CERTAIN COMFORTS

Issued by the Department of Ordinary Hours (DOOH)

Effective immediately and until further notice, the following items are hereby restricted in all public and private spaces:

1. Unscheduled optimism.
2. The assumption that silence equals safety.
3. "I'm fine" when used as a structural beam.
4. Returning to bed as a method of time travel.

Residents are advised that recent conditions may include, but are not limited to:

• sudden throat-tightening during small talk,
• phantom vibrations where no phone exists,
• the urge to apologize to furniture,
• spontaneous recollection of a sentence said years ago, still warm as a bruise.

Please be informed: these symptoms are not, in themselves, a violation. They are classified as Normal Reactions to Prolonged Holding.

1. For your protection and the protection of others, the Department recommends the following protocols:
2. When you feel the rising alarm, do not argue with it. Acknowledge its presence. Escort it to a chair. Offer water.
3. In the event of tears, do not label them "inconvenient." Tears are an approved method of pressure release.
4. If you encounter someone staring at the wall as if it is a door, do not interrupt unless necessary. The wall may be the only thing not asking them to perform.

FAILURE TO COMPLY may result in:

• emotional leakage in grocery store aisles,
• accidental honesty with loved ones,
• the dangerous discovery that you are not made of stone.

This Notice will remain posted until the city's nervous system stops acting like an early-warning siren.

Thank you for your cooperation.

We regret the inconvenience.

We regret, privately, that you needed this warning.