Time to heal

Dear 9 year old me,

The world isn't all that it seems,

I see you walk around carefree, with a heart that beams,

Even though monsters haunt your dreams.

I know you feel like the world is a lonely place,

With abuse and horrible words that your memories will soon try to suppress and erase,

But one day you'll need to find time to heal,

And find some peace in this endless wheel.

The sexual abuse, the painful words and hits,

Will drag you down into cold dark pits,

The haunting words and the sadness you feel,

Will one day go if you take time to heal.

The brushes with suicide and depression,

The waves of anxiety and aggression,

Will one day end, and it will get better,

This is why I'm writing you this letter.

It may seem hard, but let yourself feel,

Because you must take time to understand and heal.

Each day you will be faced with different things,

From the good and bad and what life brings,

You'll face your fears and you will get stronger,

And the good days will feel longer.

But to do this you must take time to heal.

The days may feel long, and I know you sit in the window and cry,

You escape to your dreams and pretend to fly,

It's easier there, in your place of colour,

And it makes your life feel so much fuller.

But these are just dreams, it's time to get real,

As soon, you will need to take time to heal.

Some days will feel heavy, and you won't want to live,

But there's so much for life to give,

You have so much hope every single day,

Because you hope that life won't always be so grey,

I know it's been a strange ordeal,

But one day you will have to take some time to heal.

I'd love to offer you advice so you don't have to go through horrible times,

Or experience violence or horrendous crimes,

But I can't do that as it will make you strong,

And it will give you the fight you need when days feel long,

I want to tell you to be careful and to not steal,

But you'll understand why I won't, once you understand how to heal.

Healing won't be easy, you'll have to fall,

Into that pit, you try to avoid and face it all,

But once it can no longer hurt you, you'll finally be free,

And you'll know what it's like to truly see.

But in the meantime hold on tight,

As in this hard time, you're learning to fight.

To get through every day, no matter the weight,

No matter the pain, or any depressive state.

It might feel like a spiral or a strange wheel,

But you'll understand it all one day when you've begun to heal.

In the meantime, I'll be right there,

Loving you with such compassionate care,

You won't always hear it amongst all the pain,

But it will get more visible as you remove the stain.

Love, joy and peace are real,

And one day you'll know this as you heal.

Sincerely, the warrior you turned into xxx