Thoughts of a troubled mind

Author's note: We all struggle from time to time, no matter if its financial, spiritual, emotional, or physical. One that we barely talk about is mental health struggles. In this is a collection of short stories to enlighten everyone what might go on in someone's mind when they are struggling with mental health. I am no stranger to these struggles and hope that it might help others in the future. Please never be afraid to reach out for help if you feel you might be going through some of the same. You are not alone!

Reminder: When in doubt.

When in doubt I have to remember these few yet very important things. Given that I'm not in a good place right now, mentally, these things are something that hit me every time I read them. As a woman and a single mom they are always a good thing to go over whenever you are feeling down or inadequate.

You are strong.

You are beautiful.

You are sweet.

You are kind.

You are a good mom!!

You are a survivor!

You are loved.

You are wanted.

You are smart.

You are hard-working.

You are an animal lover.

You are both a city and country girl.

You are not perfect, but there is always room for improvement.

You have a heart of gold.

You are not a FAILURE!!

Remember this always!!

I have been going through so much recently that reading this whenever I am down is a great help. Clarity comes when you write in my opinion. Hopefully this can help others that have felt the same way.

Brave: Family ties.

Brave is what I have become. Facing the failure in my life, I bloom into the person I am meant to become. Overcoming addiction makes me a stronger, better person. My children are my life in ways they might never know. Loyalty makes your family, blood is not the only way to be a family! We are all red and blue. Blue on the inside, and red once we hit the air. We all make mistakes, after all we are only human. Fear will drive us, force us forward or hold us back. It is up to us to decide which it will be. I will keep pushing forward towards my destiny!! Hopefully my future is bright and filled with love!

Note: These stories that I post might be short, but they have a lot of meaning behind them as I struggle to find myself in this big world.

Love: Life with love.

Love comes in many shapes and sizes. Color doesn't make love any less real. Love grows the more you nurture it. It never completely goes away. Money might make the world go around, but love makes life worth living. My life has been full of love, even if it seemed that it has been lost. I have loved, lost, and loved again! Love is unconditional, but can easily be turned into hate if you don't feed the flame. Never give up on true love because no matter what spot in life you are in at this time, True love will find you at the right moment. Love is genuine and the best feeling in the world!

Life: Wealth.

Life is full of wealth and fortune, even when it's not material things. Wealth can be observing your child having fun during the holidays! Even something as simple as a smile on their face! The little things are full of wealth. A walk with loved ones. Even watching your favorite show before bed. Holding hands with your significant other. These are all examples is wealth in my eyes. Your views on wealth may differ from mine, but that is all part of life. We all have different opinions. Maybe mine will open your mind to my view of this matter.

Hopeless: The feels.

Feels as if everything is over, but I know that life is yelling "Come Over!!"

It's all a set up. The game is about to win, so please just let me in.

The finality of reality.

I'm in the rarity of clarity, and tired of charity!

Fear of tears is tiring, so please just start firing!

Being a mom, not having a job makes me sob.

My heart is aching and still feels like its breaking.

Up for the taking.

No mercy for my wicked self.

Try to be above this thing called failure, but it seems that this life is my jailer!

Poem: Doubt and Pain.

Jailer, compel her, heart full of failure.

Not high, so I cry to hide all the lies.

Life is so empty, and seems to tempt me.

I try to deny the woman inside.

Broken, Outspoken, no tokin' or chokin'.

Just broken!

Never lasting or passing, the passion.

I try to succeed, but bleed.

It's so hard to breathe.

Through all the sorrow and pain, there is no gain!

Just pain!!

Poem: The struggle within.

"Jail her," they said. As I lie in the bed.

Feeling nothing, but dread.

And wished I was dead, in my head.

Then they said, "To succeed, she must believe in the deed of her humanity!"

She must bloom from the doom.

Shine like the star from afar, not jarred or barred, though it's hard.

She will not diminish, from this world, not finished.

She shall power through this hour, from her tower!

Purity and unity, clarity not charity!

This is the parody!!

Future: My other half.

Do not have my king.

Nor do I have my joker,

But I shall keep pushing forward to my future!

My princess is my life,

My struggle is my plight,

Just maybe, maybe my future is bright!!

Recovery: Making Amends.

Making amends is always hard, the right thing always is. In some cases, it is the hardest thing to do. It will always be for the best, and will bring good karma for those that deserve it. It's part of recovery! As a recovering addict myself, I know how hard it can be to make things right with family and friends, but never be afraid to make amends. It is rewarding in and of itself. Those who truly love and support you will stand beside you while you make these steps to better yourself and your life. I am thankful for everyone that has stood by my side while I take these steps to make a better life for myself. You have to be the one that finally says, "I'm ready!!"

Will to Overcome.

Past joy,

Past fears,

Won't let a heart near,

Full of pain,

Full of grace,

Can not seem to meet the pace,

Must try,

Must cry,

Must get past them to fly,

My future must not die!!

There is love here?

It has to be near,

For fear seems to leer,

I must care, but beware the unthinkable is to care!!

He is the darkness of all of my fear!

After all my heart was unprepared to care for what is true love, but fear everlasting!!

End Note:Thank you for taking the time to read my shorts and poems. Please know how grateful I am for all the support. I hope you enjoyed reading this!