Thoughts from a Fearful Mind

The mind is a strange thing. It tells us how to think, feel, work, play, be. It's both logical and emotional, stubborn and timid. A whirlwind of thoughts and feelings that differs from one person to the next.

Despite knowing all this, how do I feel different?

How is it that I can both feel on top of the world and in the darkest pits of an abyss at the same time? Why does my mind feel so alive but my body has to fight through tar to move?

There are times where I feel like I have all the love in the world, and then in an instant I feel all alone. It can happen in a matter of seconds.

It is in these moments, these fragile seconds that Doubt creeps in.

The group of girls behind me, did they laugh because my hair is messy?

Did I say something wrong and that's why everyone is quiet?

If I'm alone, does that mean I'm lonely?

Doubt is a strange thing. It's even stranger when it's yourself that you are doubting. And no matter how many reassurances you receive from the ones you love, Doubt has made it's home in the corners of your mind.

Over time, it becomes your companion, a confidante that you can rely on and that will always be there. You loathe Doubt, but cannot escape the comfort you feel when it is there because somehow, at some point, Doubt was the only thing you couldn't second guess.

It becomes easier to doubt the world.

It becomes easier to doubt yourself.