This is How I Remember My Past

A child,

My child;

Watches on in fear,

He knows that Mummy is getting

hurt again,

There is nothing he can do,

Though he loves her dearly,

Shaking in the corner,

He stands,

And now the trauma is over,

Mummy simply takes him by the hand,

She can't help but feel guilty,

Though the attack was never her fault,

She is wondering;

"How do you explain this to a child who is,

Only three years old?"

She shakes with terror as she takes a look around her,

Her home has been trashed by the people who are hurting her.

She breaks down and sobs,

"Why is this happening to me?"

What did I do to deserve this?

She knows this wasn't the first time,

And it won't be the last,

She lives day by day,

With this invisible pain,

Where nobody ever steps in,

To help her get out of the rain.

She just wanted sunshine,

A life full of love and joy for her children,

Instead, she was tortured by violence

And thunder,

Today;

She remembers all of these incidents,

Maybe she remembers some in the wrong sequence,

A consequence of PTSD,

Her memories have always been dismissed by those,

Who said they did care,

These were the people who blamed her,

Though they were never there;

Now;

She wakes up in the night,

Hearing young children scream,

Even though they're grown up,

And this is just a dream,

But dreams from the past always distort into the present when,

We have lived through these nightmares, with a silent tale to tell,

Of a time when nobody believed us,

As we tried telling them of our silent hell,

To you, it may sound like I'm being a drama queen,

Though you would only know if you were really there,

To wake up every day to the horror of violence and

burglary,

To have to fight to protect yourself and your children,

Even though you know you're going to lose before you have started,

To wake up every morning,

Not knowing what home is,

Or where your children are going to live,

To feel your life is nothing but a worthless hell that wasn't worth

surviving,

This is how I remember my past,

Even though you tell me "positives happened,"

So please stop distorting my mind and telling me it never happened,

For;

You don't know the truth,

Only I was there.