This Fake Smile

This fake smile

after awhile it just shrugs off

until I get on one and get pissed off

for my pain is everlasting

I throw it out with a line casting

my measures into the space I have to commit to

for my dreams I wanna pursue

loaded thoughts static noise making me tremble

for my mind needs to assemble

The only way out is through music and headphones

to stride the different tones

That don't settle right in my head

For in the past I felt better off dead

I did kill myself and came back in a different vision

That life is not a sacrifice but a test

I can feel it beating in my chest

my choices reflect my outcome of what I've made

sounding the demon brigade

Its not always me behind these eyes

for Cyko comes out to play in blood skies

Its a different outcome i face when I'm not the real me

I just wanna be free

and away from the abnormal situations and faces

of my own division with my places

come down this road you would want to turn around

for its not a settling sound

a reaction that amazes me every time i get through it

or say fuck or shit

then spit

out my outlook of what it really was

cuz I'm a fighter and bleeder

this isn't know community humming bird feeder

this is a animal that hasn't been tamed

for my mind is the one that has blamed

so many outcomes and struggles

so tighten your belt buckles

and phase into a world of dark lighting

and me fighting

to just survive

cuz this isn't something to feel alive

to but to struggle and tremble the waves

and sound the raves

of an unsettling fuckery that means no harm

I'm the year of the dragon its tattooed on my arm

I'm not human I'm a animal

for I don't like clowns cuss they taste funny but cannibal

can get past this clown i am

for I nestle under the water where the big fish are damn

I come hunting when Cyko wants to

and I my friend do what I do

so why you keep your thoughts tamed

mine are flamed

into darkness sometimes bring peace

or deception cuz I'm on my knees

praying to the God above

for forgiveness and love

to be happy one day or night

and finally give up the fight

hang it on the shelve

and retire the madness that pumps through my veins

and erase the darkness with blown out brains

of a shattered algorithm

and find a rhythm I actually enjoy

I just wanna be a oh boy

and find joy

in this dramatic way of thinking and sinking

into the hell I live every day

so I ask you to pray

for me and just let me be

cuz I don't know where I'm going for eternity